Santa's Reindogs!
The true story of Christmas is that Reindogs pull Santa's sleigh, not Reindeer! With your help, we can correct a longstanding lie. For a hundred years, Reindeer have gotten all the credit for pulling Santa's sleigh, but Reindogs do all the work. We are asking for your help to spread the word and expose this cover up of the truth. As proof that Santa uses Reindogs, we have listed below the facts and truths that prove Reindogs are the real heros of Christmas. Just because the Reindeer could claim endangered status and could afford better lobbyists and public relations firms does not make it right that they should continue getting the credit for all that work delivering toys all over the world, and getting all of the good parts in the movies while dogs do all of the work.
Dogs have been an integral part of Christmas from the very first one. Beginning at the manger, 2,000 years ago in Bethlehem, when the very first Christmas presents were delivered, a dog guided the Wise Men to the stable. A dog stood watch over the gifts and guarded the Christ child on that first glorious Christmas night. History suggests that the bright star that guided the Wise Men was Sirius, the Dog Star (check Wikipedia to verify this). Hence the origins of Christmas and Reindogs! If you still don't believe in Reindogs, go to your Bible and find the verse on Reindeer!
We put a lot of the blame for the error on the National Geographic Magazine. Years ago a photographer was at the North Pole taking photos of Santa just before Christmas. All the reindeer were out in front of Santa's house, trying to beg carrots and lettuce from the visitors. The hard working Reindogs were out back, doing their exercises, running their daily 10K, getting ready to pull Santa's sleigh all around the world on Christmas eve. That is how photos of Reindeer ended up in the national press at Christmas time and the big lie began. It should have been obvious to everyone that when the Reindeer put on the harness to pose for photos, that the harness did not fit them, Reindeer were too large. They had to find the smallest members of the herd to put in front of the sleigh for photos. That is because the harness was designed for dogs, not deer. Those photos of the “eight tiny reindeer” began the great lie.
In the poem “’Twas the night before Christmas” the author referred to Santa and his eight tiny reindeer, but he knew better. Reindeer was an easier word for the writer to rhyme words with than Reindogs. He knew that the eight members of Santa’s team were Reindogs, he just used poetic license. Talk about an inconvenient truth!
Who is it that pulls sleds and sleighs at Santa's home at the North Pole? It’s dogs, not deer. Go look at the annual Iditarod race results and see how many teams of reindeer finished last year. There were over 50 teams with over 1,000 dogs and not a reindeer among them. If those reindeer are so good at pulling sleighs, why don't they win the Iditarod race? How many Eskimos use reindeer to hunt walrus and seals? Just open your National Geographic magazine and see for yourself. They don't show pictures of Eskimos hunting polar bears with reindeer. They use dogs!
Still not convinced? Santa’s last name is “Claus”, not Hoofs or Horns. They just misspelled claws. It’s that poetic license thing again. So who has claws? Not reindeer, but Reindogs do! Reindeer with their sharp, hard hooves could never keep their footing on the steep and slippery roofs that they have to land the sleigh on, but a dog’s paws with claws and pads grip the ice and snow to keep their footing on the roof. At the end of the poem, “He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,” proves that the author was part of the great conspiracy, he knew that you don't whistle at deer, you whistle at dogs!
Seriously, do you think that reindeer can fly through the trees and around all the power lines with those big antlers? They would get tangled up at every turn. We all know that dogs can fly, watch the frisbee throwing competition or the dock diving contests. Dogs have to keep their secret flying ability under control to keep from giving our secret powers away.
One skeptic pointed out that Santa's rounds might go faster if his Reindogs did not have to stop and smell each fire hydrant on their rounds. Someone saw us smelling sign posts and did not realize it was foggy out and we had to pull the sleigh up close so Santa could read the street sign. We have to stop with Santa on every street anyway. Those sniffs are how we update the long "Naughty and Nice List" that has to be kept up to date, even on Christmas Eve. Long before E-mail was invented, Reindogs used P-mail by sniffing posts and trees along the way to find little boys’ and girls’ homes. Let’s see a reindeer do that!
It is well known that “Dogs are man’s best friend”, but somehow you believe that reindeer bring your presents? That is the kind of logic that made Mr. Spock glad he was not human. Dogs are recognized as man’s best friend because we are responsible for bringing everyone their Christmas gifts, for protecting them and for bringing joy to children across the land.
If you were Santa and it was your job to ‘Fetch” toys to children all over the world in one night, who would you turn to, reindeer or Reindogs? Reindogs "fetch" toys to millions of boys and girls in one night. Go to any dog park and see for yourself how many reindeer are playing fetch and bringing tennis balls to little boys and girls. Dogs make children’s faces light up by fetching them toys and balls, doing every day what they do for millions of children on Christmas Eve. Just try throwing a ball for a reindeer and see how good they are at "fetching". This is proof that Reindogs are really the heros of Christmas.
Dogs can be trained, they obey commands. Dogs can come, sit, lie down, fly and even go to little Billy's house on Santa's Command. Try telling your neighborhood Reindeer to "go to little Billy's house", and see what happens. Nothing!
How do you think Santa keeps his "Naughty and Nice List" up to date? There are millions of hard working dogs keeping track of the children on their block. All that barking at night is not just noise, it is Reindog assistants relaying the updates for the Naughty and Nice list back to Santa. More proof that reindeer are just a myth. Santa does not rely on reindeer to keep his list up to date, it all falls to the hard working dogs.
According to long standing tradition, you are asked to leave milk and cookies out for Santa and his team. Who do you suppose drinks all of that milk and eats all those cookies? Reindogs, that's who. Reindeer eat hay, if you don't believe me go search Wikipedia. This year we are trying to start a new tradition, instead of milk and cookies, could you leave a good chew treat as well? When you see the chew treats gone on Christmas morning, that will more proof of Reindogs existence.
The true story of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindog has long been our family tradition. I was told this story as a tiny puppy, just before Christmas when daddy had to go to the North Pole to get ready for his night’s work. According to our family history, which has been handed down from mouth to ear for many generations, Rudolph is a direct ancestor of mine. It all started with my great, great, great, great, great grandpaw. He had an extraordinary nose and had long used his special talent to track lost explorers and packages at the North Pole. He had a red nose from following scent trails in deep snow, his nose used to get cold and red from the exposure to snow and cold. One foggy Christmas Eve Santa needed help in finding the route to take for his scheduled Christmas Eve run. Rudolph G. Retriever stepped forward and offered to guide the team by scent, tracking good little boys and girls with his nose, thus saving Christmas that year. His nose grew cold and turned red from flying at the head of the team in the cold. That established a wonderful family tradition, that is until the reindeer lobby stepped in to take credit for it all.
Most of the crowded dog shelters and homeless dogs are directly related to this travesty. Millions of unemployed Reindogs have been thrown out of work by the upstart reindeer. Because of the great reindeer lie, the dogs that pull the sleigh to deliver the toys end up in shelters and pounds during the off season because of the reindeer conspiracy. The reindeer take all the good parts in the Christmas plays, manger scenes and movies, leaving Reindogs truly out in the cold. It is a travesty I tell you!
The dogs of the world expect an apology from the press. We will expect the artists and movie producers to book dogs for the publicity shots and movie roles so that at long last Reindogs will get the credit due to them. We need you to help us spread the word and reverse this great lie. Help us keep this great dream alive and tell others about the great heritage that has been stolen from us. Help our unemployed doggy friends to find work on stage and screen, playing the true roles of Santa's Rendogs.
Fear not, children, Santa and his team of Reindogs will be there for you on Christmas Eve!
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."
From Mogley G. Retriever and all the Reindogs!
