Five Minute Toys!

The store was having a sale on close-out Christmas toys in the dog department. When the bag with the toys came in the door I grabbed one toy out of the bag before the human could even set it down. Thinking it would keep me busy while he brought the rest of the purchases in, he left me alone with it. First Bella and I had a couple of quick sets of tug-o-war. The tug-o-war opened up several seams, it took me less than one minute to pull the stuffing out and find the squeaker to remove. I met my human at the door, he had the last bag of groceries in his hand, and I had the remains of the toy in my mouth.

My human called the store; they said there was no extended warranty available on the dog toys. The store manager said the store guarantee was only a five minute warranty on the toys, my human explained that the toy had not lasted five minutes from the time he got it home, the store replied that the five minutes covered by the warranty began from the time the toy was rung up on the register. Apparently the store manager has seen golden retrievers at work.

They just don’t make toys like they used to.

Mogley G. Retriever

Spa Day

Mud baths are good for your health. Don’t take my word for it; look at what one health spa advertisement claims: "Have you ever wondered why some people enjoy taking a mud bath? The reason is simple; it is an incredibly relaxing experience. It’s a warm soothing experience that allows a person to let the tension out by doing nothing more than enjoying the warmth melt away the stress. "

A health spa will charge thousands of dollars to do what a golden retriever can do with just a little water and some dirt. Take a look at the pictures showing how we golden’s like to spend our day at the spa. First (top photo) Bella and I went in for a good mud pack. Then three new friends joined us, Hogan, Holly and Bobbi Woodworth. We had to go find a bigger mud hole (middle photo) to accommodate a pack of five wild and ferocious retrievers. We found another mud bath nearby and applied a second layer of soothing mud. Notice the picture of Bobbi shaking herself (last photo). You can tell it's Bobbi because she has no tail to shake. It may be hard to believe, but there is a golden retriever under all of that mud!

Mud is good for your coats, it makes them nice and black, cools us off, and gives us that special scent that tells others “these dogs are special; they have been to the spa!” My human should be happy; we do not smell like dogs anymore. Humans always complain when we smell like dogs, what do they expect us to smell like? Skunks? We don’t even smell like wet dogs. We smell like mud. Gooey, messy, black, sticky, mud!

Then our dream of beautful mud baths is ruined, we are toweled off before we are allowed into the car. When we get home we have to go straight to the shower room where we are hosed down, soaped up and we end up smelling like lilacs and lavender. We smell like sissy dogs again.

But for a few minutes it was heavenly. Don’t tell the human, but we remember where that mud was and we will find it again! We could hold a Golden Retriever Club reunion at the mud hole, call it a Golden Spa Day!

Mogley G. Retriever

Remember the good things in life?

As I get older, I find myself looking back and remembering the good things in life. After all, I am a year old now, that is 8 or 9 in human years, time really flies when you are a dog! Humans don’t appreciate the simple joys of life. Here are some of the things I appreciate.

Riding with your head out the window, ears flapping in the breeze is one of the joys that humans seldom appreciate. Thankfully, they would probably run into something if they drove that way. Fresh scents to smell, air to ruffle the fur. Now that is living! But the close up picture makes my nose look big!

Stopping to sniff a fire hydrant used to be one of life’s great pleasures. Remember the good old days when they had fire plugs on most corners? They were a wonderful way to help us keep in touch with one another and reconnect with old friends. The internet works fine, and I am proud that dogs invented it, but it will never replace a neighborhood fire plug or even a large elm tree. You did know that dogs invented the internet, didn’t you? Surely you don’t believe that Al Gore invented it? How silly was that, anyway?

Old squirrels. All we have in our yard are young squirrels. They are so hard to catch, they run fast and although we chase them constantly, we never can catch them. Old squirrels are the best squirrels.

Thanks for stopping by to read my blog.
Mogley G. Retriever

If I ran the Dog Show!

A beagle won the 132nd Westminster championship, beating out 2,500 other dogs to be declared best in show. I don’t want to minimize the achievement of someone that can look good under a bright spot light and perform under pressure, but did they forget that there were Golden Retrievers entered?

If I ran the dog show, points would be awarded differently. Dogs need to do something besides just look good, which we do of course, but we need to demonstrate our ability to do our jobs while looking good as well. Do they judge Miss America only on the swim suit contest? NO! They have talent contests, they have judges that observe them under pressure to see how they respond, and they look for a well rounded individual.

Let’s add some talent and skills tests to the dog show judging. The first round of judging would have a tennis ball machine launching tennis balls across the auditorium and into the crowd, dogs will be judged on the number of balls they bring back in the ten minute judging window. This is where we will separate the beagles from the terriers. Goldens' would be at a disadvantage, we would stop to get head pats or lick all the hands along the way, we need points for "congeniality". Another round of judging could be squirrel chasing. Release squirrels in the hall, release 2,500 dogs and let the games begin. This would provide active competition among the dogs; it would provide entertainment for the spectators and would increase television ratings by 20 points. The televised dog show would out draw the Super Bowl for viewers. For the final round of judging we would uncover a large swimming pool and release three live ducks in the exhibit hall. The first dog that brings a duck to the judge would be the winner of that round. Let’s see how many points the poodle in the bushy hairdo could win now.

Now that is how I would run a dog show!

Mogley G. Retriever

It's my Job!

Some people do not understand the role of a dog in the typical household. We appreciate the warm home, good food, exercise, attention and praise that we receive. In return we more than pay for our keep by providing valuable services.

• It is my job to guard the back fence. Don’t yell at me to stop barking when someone is walking down the trail in the park. They are walking quietly with their dog, plotting how to jump over the fence and invade our back yard if I appear to be asleep.


• It is my job to fetch balls. If there are no balls being thrown, then I can not perform my job. So hurry up, get out of that chair, turn off the TV, get outside and work that arm. No tennis balls? Sticks and Frisbees work as well. Throw a duck from time to time just to break the pattern.


• It is my job to take you for walks and to keep you physically fit. Excercise is good for the man and his dog, just ask your Doctor!.


• It is my job to chase the cats. So don’t yell at me to stop. The cats are getting fat and lazy, exercise is good for them. If they are running, then they are not shedding on the couch, or even worse, lying on your lap, digging their claws into you as they purr. If you spoke cat, you would be horrified at the nasty comments they make about humans. I only chase them when they have been insulting you.


• It is my job to clean up stray food on the floor. If there is no stray food on the floor then I can’t do my job. That is why I sprawl across the kitchen floor where you can trip over me, spilling your plate. It’s my job.


• It is my job to greet guests at the front door. You should encourage me to bark at everyone entering the front yard until it has been determined whether they are visitors and guests or intruders. Jumping on guests as they enter the house is only good courtesy; you would not want people to think we were not excited to see them? Sniffing is how we separate wanted guests from intruders bent on harm.


• It is my job to hang out of the car window, ears flapping in the breeze, keeping watch for threatening cars and approaching fire trucks. I stand watch over the car when it is parked in a lot, challenging any potential intruder who comes close. Forget buying the “club” or “lo-jack” for your car, just leave the window down while you shop and don’t forget to return with a treat.


• It is my job to be a companion and best friend. Jumping up on you is my way of helping you relax after a hard day. Licking you is my way of offering my sympathy and showing my understanding of your troubles. Offering you my head, ears and tummy to scratch is therapy; it saves you a trip to the psychiatrist’s office, not to mention saving you the bill. You could spend some small part of the savings on dog treats and dog toys.


• It is my job to protect the house, the family, and yes, even the cats, from possible intruders. That is why we are frequently awake in the middle of the night, keeping watch, guarding the home.

That is why we have been with you for the last 8,000 years, man and dog, what a team! Thanks for the home and love, your best friend;

Mogley G. Retriever

If dogs were in charge:

Sniffing would replace hand shaking when dogs and people greet one another. Handshaking is so unsanitary, you never know where that hand has been!

Dog food would be delivered in big trucks instead of little bags. Trucks would just back up and deliver a huge supply, and it would be good stuff, the dog food would all be marked “USDA Choice” and would all have a fresh bone in them.

Balls would throw themselves so we don’t have to wait till the human gets around to throwing the ball after we fetch it.

The refrigerator’s ice dispenser would dispense bones and treats instead of ice.

The collar on the leash would go around the human’s neck and we hold the loop end in our mouth so that when we want to follow that rabbit trail the human comes alone with us. Squirrels can be chased and the human has to keep up or we give them a good yank on the leash.

Toys would put themselves back together every night so we can tear them apart again during the day.

Squirrels would all have a limp to slow them down.

No one would be allowed to come near my back fence unless he has a pocket full of treats.

Cats would be required to stay off of furniture, dogs would be allowed on the furniture. Humans would be allowed on the furniture if they have been "good humans" all day.

Cats would be treated for their drug habit; catnip addiction would be recognized as a threat to household harmony.

All cars would be required to have one window that opens to dog nose height so that we can ride comfortably with our nose out the door, ears in the wind.

All humans would be required to adopt a dog so no dog has to be in the doggy jail.

Dog catchers would catch humans who are caught walking the streets without their dog, they would be locked up until their dog bails them out and they agree to walk their dog every day.

Daily tummy rubs and ear scratches would be required or else the human would have to sleep on the floor beside the bed instead of being allowed to share the bed with the dog.

A Man is Dogs best friend!

Paws up for Dog Power:
Mogley G. Retriever

Ferocious Golden Retrievers

Brian came by with Emma, Molly and Piper, my three Golden cousins, all five of us went down to the park for a run in the big open area. Boy is that a lot of fun, we ran and ran and ran. Emma, Molly and Piper have not been in the big park very often so they had to drag their leashes just in case. Everyone was on their good behavior. We sniffed in the bushes and in the long grass. The wind was blowing hard and it was only 38 degrees, just right for some serious running by a pack of ferocious Golden Retrievers, loose in the park. Bella is in front, hoping the photographer has a treat.

My human says there are no grizzly bears or moose in the park, he told us to watch out for coyotes and deer. There are some ducks and geese in the marshes, a few doves, rabbits, and pheasants in the tall grass. It was great sniffing.

When my human was looking the other way for a moment, I took Piper down and showed her where the marsh was, we went for a wade in the muddy water. We had fun, but the humans spoiled it by yelling at us to get out of the mud. They don’t let us have any fun.

Before they took us home they wiped us down with a towel to get some of the mud off. When I got home I ended up with a bath again. This is getting monotonous. I work hard to make myself smell good, they give me a bath with that smelly stuff and make me smell like a sissy again. I tried to tell my human that it will be hard for me to scare off a coyote when I smell like chocolate candy or a lilac bush. I will growl at the coyote, go into my “threat posture”, he will take one sniff and roll on his back in laughter. How embarrassing!

Mogley G. Retriever

More Dog/Human dictionary:

Dogs and humans seem to have different meanings for many words. Here are a few of the frequently misunderstood words and their proper usage for dogs.

Treatable: Human definition, something that can be treated or cured.
Dog definition; Something worthy of reward. Example of usage; I just brought you the ball, that is a treatable trick. Where is my treat you cheapskate?

Doggedly: Human definition; Something you done stubbornly or tenaciously.
Dog definition; Something that is best done by a dog. Example, I did an extraordinary good job of fetching that duck, it was a doggedly good job.

Minute: Human definition; A unit of time equal to one sixtieth of an hour, or 60 seconds
Dog definition: One to two hours, maybe a day if we are waiting in the car, remember guys, one human year is seven to ten dog years. Why do you think we get impatient when you make us wait? Get a move on there fellow, we don’t have forever!

Food: Human definition; Edible material that has been properly prepared and seasoned to provide nourishment to the body. Eaten slowly and with pleasure.
Dog definition; Something chewable that can also be swallowed in large bits so as to minimise the time wasted in chewing.

Cat: Human definition; a small animal of the feline family that is kept in the house as a pet. Something to be pampered and cared for with love and affection.
Dog definition; A small but usable exercise machine, suitable for low to moderate exercise only.

That is all for today, it is time to go to the park!
Mogley G. Retriever

Evie's E-mail

My friend Evie has sent me another e-mail, keeping us up to date on her life after having been abandoned, then finding a wonderful new home. Thanks to wonderful people that take us in when we need a home.

Dear Mogley,

I finally was able to get into the computer room today. Around here there are two computers and they have a special room for them. My people always shut the door when they leave the room so I don't get much opportunity to keep up on my email. My people say they have to keep the door closed because of cats on the keyboards. They don't have a clue that we dogs are on those keyboards every chance we get. We must be smarter because we dogs never get caught at it and the cats do. You can teach an old dog new tricks! I didn't know a thing about computers when I came here but I am a fast learner.

We have those pesky cats here too. There must be some sort of kitty conspiracy going on. They have found their way into the best homes. Maybe it is the people. The people that will take us in when we need a good meal and a warm bed must have very soft hearts and those cats take advantage. We have 2 cats here in this house. There is one kitty that is really old. Don't tell her I said so but she is 19. She sleeps a lot and doesn't bother us dogs but she will be the first to tell you she is the Queen of the house and don’t mess with her. Something about seniority, whatever that is. Then there is this other black and white kitty . She is something else. After I was here for about a month I found out she is studying to be a masseuse! I have never heard of such a thing. If I lay down real quiet she will come over and massage my muscles. My mom thinks it is so cute and says she is making biscuits. I never see any biscuits when she is done but my muscles do feel better.

Your Friend Evie

I write this blog!

I overheard someone ask my human if he wrote my blog for me, apparently they doubted my writing skills which made me very angry and insulted, until he replied.

“No, Mogley writes his own blog, every day, in every way, and in everything he does” he replied.

My name is Mogley, and I write this blog when I fetch my leash to beg for a walk in the park or when I ride in the car, my head out of the window, ears flapping in the breeze. I write this blog when my human is engrossed in a TV program and I have to fill up his chair with toys and balls before he notices me and agrees to play. I write this blog when I run around the house with my favorite squeaky toy, squeaking like a banshee, telling the world what a joy it is to be a dog, filled with life and energy. I write this blog when I come running into the house covered with snow and rub up against my human so he will pet me, his hand recoils when he reaches out and finds I am covered in cold. I write this blog when I help trim trees by bringing a large branch into the house, having pulled it from the orchard, across the lawn and through two dog doors. I write this blog when I get a new toy, Bella and I each want it so a game of tug-o-war breaks out, we each end up with ½ the toy and the floor is littered with stuffing. I write this blog when Bella and I fight and wrestle, knocking each other to the floor, making more noise than a pack of grizzly bears attacking a moose, and when we greet friends at the door, with wiggles, wags, licks and yaps of happiness, showing our unbridled joy at being the first to welcome a guest. I write this blog when I pick up Mini Cat and carry her around in my mouth, humans are shocked and tell me to put her down but Mini Cat does not even mind. I write this blog when I burst through the dog door at full speed to catch a squirrel in the back yard just as the cat is trying to come in the dog door and the cat goes flying. I write this blog when we both lay on our backs beside the chair waiting patiently for the human to notice that Bella and I need a tummy rub. I write this blog when the delivery person visits, I jump up into the UPS truck and refuse to come out. I write this blog when my happy tail knocks everything off the coffee table onto the floor, my tail keeping time to the happy music on the radio. I write this blog in the middle of the night when I am sitting beside the bed, my head stretched out across the bed to assure the humans that I am keeping watch while they sleep, and all is well!

There are humans that keep their dog in a run in the back yard, never making it a part of the family, they will still doubt that dogs can blog; to them a dog is something to feed and clean up after. For those of you that share your homes, hearts and lives with a dog, you know the intelligence of a dog and you will know the truth. You will know that a Golden Retriever can provide more than just the material for a blog, they can write the blog itself;

My name is Mogley, and I write this blog!
Mogley G. Retriever

Forever Home!

Saturday was a very special day. The humans’ daughter and son in law came by with Piper, their foster golden. They loaded me up and we went for a ride, leaving Bella at home which is highly unusual. First we stopped by a veterinarian’s office to pick up a prescription for Piper, she has something called Addisons disease. Then we drove on to the Sage Valley Pet Center, the home of Golden Retriever Rescue of the Rockies, GRRR. I said hello to Mary, then I met many new rescue friends. Several people were visiting GRRR to meet some homeless goldens that need a new home. Mary said there are currently 13 homeless goldens at her home and 5 more in the kennels plus a large number in foster homes where they are evaluated and in some cases taught their manners or recover from health problems. Piper and I got to meet several people that were there to meet available dogs and see if they bond. One lucky dog went home with a very nice human; it took a long time for her to select which lucky golden got to go to a forever home. Mary says that it takes time to make sure the human/dog match is a good match and that a new home will be a forever home. Mary has many years of experience in evaluating humans and finding the ideal dog for them. My humans wanted to take all of the needy dogs home; they all are so friendly, so beautiful and so lonely.

We went into the building where Mary showed my humans how to treat my ear infection, my humans were treating it but they were too careful and were not cleaning my ear out well enough. I got some water in my ear when they gave me my bath last week; they need to be more careful and dry my ear.

Then came the very best part, we filled out paper work making me an official “forever dog”. I am no longer a foster dog living at a foster home; I am a part of the family, forever. Piper filled out her forever papers, it was very exciting for both of us. We are officially adopted, forever.

They made four donations to GRRR, two in the name of a relative that was getting married. The relative had asked that instead of gifts, donations be made to a pet shelter or charity. A gift was made in their name to the Golden Retriever Rescue of the Rockies, my alma mater, and a gift was made to recognise Piper and me as adopted, forever dogs.

It was heartbreaking to leave behind six beautiful golden retrievers standing by the door waiting for the next human to come meet them in hopes they can coax their way into a forever home. They try to behave, they act as nice as they can, they play, wag, wiggle and lick the humans, but only one can go home each time. There are always more dogs coming in after being abandoned than there are humans coming in to adopt. Visit your local rescue to meet the best dogs in the world.

So many dogs, so few homes!
Mogley

Rules

I waited a full two minutes. That is what the rule is; the human has two minutes to retrieve his lost food, then it is finders-keepers! I have seen the rule repeated on TV time after time. He says the rule does not count when the food is left on the counter. I think he should have established the rules more clearly to begin with, and then I would not have gotten in trouble. I hate it when he does that whole “bad dog” routine. This time he did it loudly, shaking his finger and he carried on and on. Boring! It was just a hamburger bun, no hamburger, no mustard, no catsup, just a plain bun. He left it on the edge of the counter and then wandered out to do something to the backyard barbeque. He banished me to the backyard until lunch time was over. He gets three meals a day, I only get two. A little snack in between would not have been too much to ask. Humans are so food aggressive. They always get mad when you threaten their food.

As a well trained, obedient house dog, I try and live by the rules. The rules don’t make any sense most of the time. Dogs are only allowed on the couch in the plant room where the sun is so nice and warm in the morning, all the rest of the furniture is off limits to dogs. The cats get on all of the furniture but when I chase them off, I get yelled at. Cat toys litter the floor but when I play with one it gets taken away. The cats play with my dog toys and the human thinks it is cute. I am not supposed to eat food in the garden in the summer, but they leave the tomato vines at dog nose height. I am not supposed to pull on the leash but squirrels dart across the path and threaten us when we walk. I am supposed to be a guard dog but I can’t chase a squirrel when I am on a leash? I am not supposed to run away when we are in the open fields. He takes us out there to get exercise and gets upset when we run too far. I am not supposed to sample treats on the low shelves at the dog food store, but he takes us there to pick out our toys, how can I tell what I want if I can’t sample? I am not supposed to jump up on visitors, but I am supposed to make them feel welcome, how do you do one without the other?

Humans are sure hard to understand.

Mogley G. Retriever