Cat tail tales:

Riley and River wrote me a comment asking me to expose cats. Many dogs live with cats, so maybe it is time to air some dirty fur in public. Cats, you can't live with them and you can't chase them, at least you can't chase them when someone is watching.

Riley and River said they were leaving for a walk when one of the cats, Cricket, slipped out the door as they were leaving and hid under the deck. By the time the cat had been coaxed out from under the deck and back into the house it was too late for our walk. The cat was pretty proud of himself, he put one over on the dogs. This is the kind of abuse that goes on in many mixed households.

After an experience like that, Riley and River should have been allowed to chase the cat to get their rightful exercise. But no, humans keep cats protected. It is a good thing too, don't tell humans but I have it on good authority that cats do taste like chicken.

Cats can be a pain, that is why cats only come in two kinds, clawed and de-clawed. Any other differences are purely ornamental. Cats that still have their claws are grumpy and they do not play well. De-clawed cats play better except they tend to hide a lot instead of playing chase. We have a small black cat we call Mini, she helps us chase squirrels. We chase them from tree to tree, meanwhile Mini is up a tree waiting for the squirrel to arrive at her place. She even enjoys a good game of chase from time to time. Cats do not swim well. I ran up behind Mini while she was leaning over the edge of the pool watching a leaf float by, I goosed her and she landed in the water. She climbed out faster than I can.

Cats may be some sub-species of small dogs. People let cats and small dogs climb on furniture and nap on laps. The cats sleep on the bed at our house, but let a Golden Retriever jump on the bed and boy do we get yelled at! Cats even have their own box of dirt to dig in, in the house. But let a dog come in with a little dirt on their paws and we get yelled at.

Cats have food set out for them all day long. Dog food is strictly rationed, we get only enough to keep from starving to death. When a cat meows humans think it is cute, when we bark we get told to be quiet.

Cats can not type, have you noticed that there are no cat bloggers on the Internet? Oh, there are some people pretending to be cats that type blogs, but no real cats. There are lots of dog blogs. Dogs type well and with the help of spell check and grammar check, we manage to communicate with other dogs and humans around the world. Cats can only communicate a few basic ideas. They meow to ask to be let in or out of the door. They meow when they want to be fed. They meow loudly when you step on their tails. Other than that, they are very poor conversationalists.

So what good do they do? What purpose do they serve? They can't retrieve balls, they can't tell you a visitor is at the door, they can't even bring their own leash when its time for a walk. If humans only had cats to walk, they would get no exercise at all. If any of you can think of a good use for a cat, let me know.

Let's start a twelve step program to wean people away from cat dependence. Cats Anonymous! Hi, my name is Peter, and I used to have to pet a cat several times a day, now I am cured. I only pet dogs and take them for walks. Thanks to Cats Anonymous I can now live a normal life with my Golden Retriever. No more sneezing from cat hair in the air, no more stepping on fur balls my cat coughs up on the carpet. Thanks to Cats Anonymous, I am cured.

Mogley G. Retriever