Sunday, November 25, 2007

Fraternising with the enemy

I have photographic proof that Bella, my ugly step sister, has been fraternizing with the enemy. It is one thing for her to conspire with the cat to take my new bed away from me, now she and the cat have formed an unholy alliance. They actually nap this way, curled up together. It is undognified! If they were taking real naps together it would be bad, but they are taking cat naps, that is unforgivable. Cats are dogs sworn enemies. Cats try to rub up against humans and purr, they curl up on laps, just brown nosing if you ask me. All of them are addicted to catnip, druggies is what they are. Where can I take a cat to put it up for adoption?


Saturday, November 24, 2007

New Bed

Most of my friends remember that when I was just a homeless dog looking for a warm place, the rescue service placed me with my foster family. I had been here four months when my human asked me to become a member of the family, he asked me if he could adopt me so I could stay forever. I said yes, of course, but I also asked for a larger bed, the old bed was too small and part of me always fell off of one side. They brought me home a nice new, soft, large bed. It is a wonderful comfortable bed. Just one problem, Bella and that pesky cat have taken it over. Bella has her own large bed, but she moved over on mine. We have upstairs beds to sleep on at night, and downstairs beds to rest on during the day, and I get pushed out both day and night. The cat is allowed on all the furniture, so it has many choices of where to lie down. But they take my bed! Life is unfair.


Friday, November 23, 2007

Better Homes and Dogs

As you can see from the picture, Bella and I are working hard at redecorating our house. We hope to be the cover story for the December issue of Better Homes and Dogs magazine. We have created a doggie friendly play area out of what was a sterile and dull family room. We have done it in a way that most of our doggie friends can follow in redecorating their own living areas. Now that winter is here, it is important for all of our readers to have a nice warm, dry play area. Notice how we placed the bed near the chair so the human can reach down and scratch an ear or pat a head whenever we need attention. Keeping the toys close at hand instead of in those dreadful toy boxes and baskets means we can play at an instant's notice. De-stuffing toys is a favorite hobby of ours. We can de-stuff a toy faster than the humans can take the sales tags off of it. The toy stuffing scattered on the floor makes a house into a home, don't you think? It adds that doggie cache' that is so important for a well balance and comfortable home. Humans think we hate vacuum cleaners because of the noise, they don't understand we hate vacuum cleaners because they ruin the decor that we have worked so hard to create. So until next month's issue, keep those bones and toys on the floor!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Playing with Bella

One of my favorite games is getting the best of my ugly step sister, Bella. Yesterday the humans gave us each a rawhide bone. Bella chewed hers up quickly. I played with mine, throwing it in the air, chasing it and running like a mad dog around the back yard. Bella darted in and stole mine while I was stalking it. She took it straight under the human’s feet where she could chew on it, knowing I don’t dare start a fight under their feet. I waited until the human got up, then I pulled a leash across the floor. Bella saw the leash and the human on his feet and decided it was time for a walk; she dropped the bone and dashed for the front door with the leash in her mouth. I got the bone.

Today the humans gave us each a steak bone. It was good; I chewed on mine for a long time. Then we had company. Bella had to go lean on the guests, leaving her bone behind. I took both of the bones outside and hid them, then I went to get my share of attention from the visitors. Bella looked and looked for her bone and she could not find it. I was doing fine until I decided to bring one of my bones inside and chew it beside the bed after lights out time. The humans get grumpy when you make noise in the middle of the night; they took my bone away and hide it. Boy are they touchy. Mel Brooks was right, it is good to be the dog.

Balanced Meals

I have become more health conscious lately. I believe in excercising regularly and eating well balance meals. This morning I went out in the orchard and found an apple to eat after my breakfast of dog food. Tonight I started my meal off with a nice green salad with blue cheese dressing. It was the first salad I had ever eaten; it was the best salad I had ever eaten too. I followed that with a nice bowl of dog food. After serving me the dog food my humans went looking for their salad. You would not believe the whole “bad dog” routine they went through, shaking their fingers at me and everything. I thought there was something in the law about abandoned property and salvage rights. They abandoned the salad when they went to get my dog food. I did not get up on the table or do any of the bad things, I know better than to do that. The bowl of salad was left on the coffee table in front of the couch, right where I normally lay under their feet when they eat dinner in front of the TV. They sure are emotional people; they get upset over the slightest things. They are right about one thing though, blue cheese is good stuff!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Food Aggression

If dogs are considered “food aggressive” they are not considered good pets. I learned that by watching the animal planet channel on TV. Then why are humans tolerated when they are extremely food aggressive? I just wanted to sniff the plate that was sitting beside the outdoor fire thing. I was not going to try and grab a steak off of the grill. Boy did they growl and yell at me. When I tried to put my nose up by the table where the good smells were coming from the big pot, they yelled like mad. The bowl of ice cream was just sitting there, the human was not even eating it, and it was melting. He was more interested in talking on that phone thing they hold up to their ear. He yelled and grabbed he bowl away from me, shook his finger at me and went through that whole “bad dog” routine. They have extreme food aggression; they growl and snarl if you even look at their food. If a dog protected his food like humans do we would be banned from the house. In dogs it’s usually the skinny dog that is most aggressive around food as he has not had as much to eat. But with humans, the big ones and the small ones all exhibit the same aggression when it comes to protecting their food. Humans, you can’t understand them and they won’t let us lick them.


Monday, November 12, 2007

Friends Visit

I have not been able to write because I had too much help. Wednesday night Emma, Molly and Piper arrived to spend a week. It is so exciting when I have four extra friends to play with. Molly and Piper are still young dogs and hey have a lot of energy to play with me. While Jenny and Brian are away, the dogs will play. The first few minutes are pretty exciting, we all jump and romp wildly. Then we settle down and just run or an hour or so. Five Golden Retrievers in one house and one yard, it has been a wild week.

My human has only two hands. Lets see, five dogs divided by two hands means that we won't get petted as often, we won't get walked as often, we won't get hugs as often, and we will not get a lap to sleep on by ourselves. In return we get a chance to play until we drop.

Feeding time was a busy time, Emma, Molly and Piper all are very eager eaters. They gobble their food as fast as they can in hopes that they can eat some from another bowl. Bella and I are used to eating slowly, sometimes not finishing our meals till later in the day. We got fed separately so the other three would not steal part of our food. Feeding five dogs at the same time was an exciting task for one human, the three visitors were jumping around and trying to help. Somehow it all worked out.

The human expected trouble from Piper because she has a reputation for being rowdy and out of control. After chasing squirrels all day, running in the back yard with the rest of us, chasing thrown balls and running cats, she was a sweetheart inside the house. She was so tired she could not get into any trouble. Piper had never seen a cat before and for the first couple of days she wanted to chase them, even when they did not want to play. By the time she went home, Piper had learned how to respect cats and she is now certified "cat friendly".

Today Buckley came by for a visit, so for a few hours we had six Golden Retrievers to play with. We ran and chased balls, we chased each other and we chased squirrels. How much fun can six dogs have? A lot. When it was time for the visitors to go home, we all went along. All six of us rode out to Jenny's house and romped in her backyard for a while before Bella, Buckley and I came home. A short time later Buckley went home and the house was quiet. The cats came out of hiding, found a place in the sun and took afternoon naps. It was a fun but tiring week.
It is time for my nap.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Five Hoursemen?

My human said there must be five horsemen of the Apocalypse. The Bible speaks to four of them, War, Famine, Pestilence and Death. He thinks they miscounted originally because there should have been one more of them, the fifth one should have been named Mogley! He says Mogley brings fleas, leaves, tree limbs, old tin cans and broken glass into the living room. He rearranges my closet. He digs holes in the back yard. He shreds toys, breaks tree limbs into tiny bits, scatterer's trash across the yard.

I think he is exaggerating to try and make me look bad. I don't do many bad things. I bring him his shoes, even when he does not want them. Sometimes I try and fetch his shoes when he is wearing them. I am careful to check the inside of all my toys for possible concealed bombs. I take out the stuffing to see if any contraband is hidden inside. Then I play with the squeaker until it finally stops making noise. My human should appreciate the way I convert noisy toys into nice quiet ones. I try and keep the cats from getting too fat by giving them regular exercise. If there is trash in the house, I take it outside, if there is trash outside, I take it inside. I greet people at the door and make them feel welcome. I let him know when the mail man comes by. I tell him when there are people in the park, walking outside of our fence.

I just don't understand what he is complaining about. I think he just has an insecurity. Maybe someday dogs will be able to understand human minds, in the meantime we just lick them and reassure them that we are still their best friends.


Thursday, November 8, 2007

Fun Weekend

What a fun weekend. Saturday morning my human had to go out early, Bella and I were loaded in the car to go along. After several stops we pulled into the dog park play area. There were not very many dogs in the park early in the morning, but it was fun to just run. Pretty soon another Golden Retriever came in and we ran some more. Just running with other dogs for the fun of running is great. New friends and new paths to follow.

We had just arrived home when my three cousins arrived. Jenny dropped Emma, Molly and Piper by to play. GRRR called Piper, Pepsi, but Bryan and Jenny liked Piper better. The two names sound enough alike that the change was not difficult. We spent the whole day with five dogs running in the yard, wrestling and playing. Jenny and Bryan were going on a trip and they needed to make sure that all five dogs got along well enough to spend a week together. We did fine. Piper did not pass the initial cat test, she wanted to chase a cat, but the cat did not want to be chased. It was a tie, Piper continued to pester the cats and the cats went into hiding, coming out to spit and swipe at her when she got too close. Emma is an older golden girl, she gets along with everyone. Molly was adopted from GRRR several years ago, she is slightly hyper, but she is focused on the squirrels in the back yard. She is a great squirrel hunter. The back fence is about 300 feet long and the squirrels run up and down on the top of it with Molly chasing them back and forth. Piper (or Pepsi) is a foster dog. Piper is a "golden angel" because she suffers from addison's disease. She gets several little white pills every day, and she has to have a shot every month. Addison's disease and the medications for it causes her to be constantly hungry, thirsty and hyper active. This puts the whole house at risk as she tries to eat everything. We have to be very careful that she not have small toys or weak toys that she can tear apart and eat. Before Piper arrived all of my soft toys were gathered up.

Piper is happy at my house, there are still lots of apples on the ground all over the back yard. She can eat at our house and not worry about getting fat. Two or three apples in addition to breakfast helps keep the hunger away.

When my three cousins went home that night I was told that they would be coming back to stay for a week. Boy will that be fun! Tail wags and face licks for everyone!


Sunday, November 4, 2007

Undognified Conduct

Un-dog-ni-fied: –adjective- characterized or marked by a lack of dignity. Degrading and/or inappropriate actions or conduct for a dog. Something that only a cat would do.

When I do something bad, my human says I am being undognified. I argued there is no such word. He brought out copies of a German Dictionary and a Spanish Dictionary, to prove that there were many different dictionaries. He explained that since very few dogs write books or blogs, the Dog Dictionary is not as well known as the English Dictionary is. As part of my blog it will be my duty to spread the word about the Dog Dictionary and inform my readers of some of the more important definitions in it. I would feel better if the spell checker would recognize it as a word.

I was digging a hole under a sprinkler today when he told me it was conduct unbecoming a dog, he said it was undognified of me to dig holes in the lawn. He pointed to the cat who digs in the garden and told me that it was the kind of thing only a cat would do. He does have a point; in the future I will try and keep my digging away from where the cat digs.

In future blogs I will try to include some references to key dog words in order to improve dog/man relations.