Saturday, December 22, 2007

Merry Christmas from Santa’s Reindog!

Santa uses Reindogs, not Reindeer to pull his sleigh. For hundreds of years, Reindeer have been getting the credit, and Reindogs have been doing the work. The reference in the poem “Twas the night before Christmas” to Santa and his eight tiny reindeer was an error; reindeer was easier for the writer to rhyme with than Reindogs. He knew that the eight members of Santa’s team were Reindogs, he just used poetic license. Talk about an inconvenient truth!

Who is it that pulls sleds and sleighs at the North Pole? It’s Dogs, not deer. Go look at the annual Iditarod race results and see how many teams of reindeer finished last year? There were over 50 teams with over 1,000 dogs and not a reindeer among them. How many Eskimos use reindeer to hunt walrus and seals? Just open your National Geographic magazine and see for yourself. They don’t show pictures of Eskimos hunting polar bears with reindeer. They use dogs!

Still not convinced? Santa’s last name is “Claus”, not Hoofs or Horns. They just misspelled Claws. It’s that poetic license thing again. So who has Claws? Not reindeer, but Reindogs do! Reindeer with their hooves could never keep their footing on the steep and slippery roofs that they have to land the sleigh on, but a dog’s paws with claws and pads grip the ice to keep their footing on the roof. At the end of the poem “He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,” finally the writer got it right. You don’t whistle at deer, you whistle at dogs!

“Dogs are man’s best friend”, but somehow you believe that reindeer bring your presents? That is the kind of logic that made Mr. Spock glad he was not human. Dogs are recognized as man’s best friend because we are responsible for bringing everyone their Christmas gifts, beginning at the manger, 2,000 years ago in Bethlehem when the very first Christmas presents were delivered and a dog helped guide the Wise Men, then stood watch over the gifts and the Christ child.

If you were Santa and it was your job to ‘Fetch” toys to children all over the world in one night, who would you turn to, reindeer or Reindogs? Not only are Reindogs the real heroes of Christmas, but Santa’s Reindogs are Golden Retrievers. Look at the pictures, are they golden colored? Are they long legged? Are they intelligent? Do they fetch toys to millions of boys and girls in one night? Go to any dog park and see how many reindeer bring tennis balls to little boys and girls. Golden Retrievers make children’s faces light up by fetching them toys and balls, doing every day what they do for millions of children on Christmas Eve. Proof the Reindogs are Golden Retrievers!

The Golden Retrievers of the world will be waiting for our apology from the press. We will expect the artists and movie producers to book Golden Retrievers for the publicity shots and movie rolls so that at long last Reindogs will get the credit due them.

But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

Mogley the Golden Reindog!

To help a homeless Golden Reindog, go to
Be a foster to a friend, put a homeless Golden Retriever under your tree!

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Waiting for Christmas

Bella and I are excited waiting for Christmas. Our tree does not have as many ornaments on it as some other trees. I wonder where they all went? The shiny balls are sure fun to play with, and they make a nice noise when they break. I think I cut my foot on one of the broken ornaments and they had to wrap my foot up. The presents under the tree are empty boxes, they won't trust me with a real present, I unwrapped one already, it smelled good and I could not resist. The cat has unwrapped more presents than I have.

Bella and I made lists of presents we want. I made sure that Santa got an e-mail telling him that my human had called me "good dog" several times each day. If Santa wants to check up on me he can check with my human and find out that I am very well behaved, not like the dog I was when I first arrived. I used to run into the park every time I got a chance, but now I come right back home if I get out the front door. I always come when called. I always "drop" when they tell me to if I have a toy they don't want me to have. I sit on command and I am even getting good at "stay". I walk well off leash, and I don't pull when I am on leash. I even promise not to bark at Santa when he comes down the chimney. My human says I will probably sleep through the whole thing.

If I can persuade my human to bring home a homeless dog from doggie jail, we could make a lost and lonely dog happy for Christmas. Just a temporary foster for a few days would make a huge difference in another dogs life. Remember all the dogs in kennels during the Christmas season need love and a warm home.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Dogs call humans home.

Dogs and humans still have a communications gap. Today when my human came home I was waiting for them with a picture from a magazine in my mouth. They were very upset, thinking that I had ripped up a magazine out of spite just because they left me alone.

Dogs don't destroy something out of spite, that is a human thing, dogs do it from love. We love you and you are not home. We have learned that when we do something bad, humans appear like magic out of nowhere to scold us. So when we want a human to come home, we pick something to chew on because that makes a human appear. It works most of the time, occasionally we have to chew on two items before they magically appear, but it works. By chewing on something we are not supposed to chew on, we can make our humans come home and that is what we love.

So next time you leave your puppy alone and find he has chewed on something while you were gone, remember that he was just trying to get you to come home quickly to show you he loves you. So give him a pet and a bone, show him that you love him too. After all, what is the value of a hole in an old hat or glove compared to the love of your best friend?

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Rules of the Game

Dog Soccer is played by very different rules than the humans use. The teams consist of only one dog on each team. First the Soccer ball has to be deflated, this is a simple task, and it only takes a few minutes of chewing to let the air out of it. Once it is properly deflated we can get a good grip on it. The game begins when one team tosses the ball into the play area; both teams grab the ball and pull, game on! No time outs are allowed, and no sissy referees to break up the game just when it gets going good. The winning team is the one that manages to keep the ball away from the opposing team for the longest time. The game goes on until the teams collapse on the ground and take their afternoon naps. If you are an only dog, you can try to get your human to play with you, but they never play as hard or for a long as a good dog play buddy will play. If you can take your ball to the dog park and maybe you can get a game going with someone there. Have fun playing, but be sure to follow the rules. Next week we will discuss the rules of the game of fetch and how to train your human to throw properly.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Understand your Human

Dog/human relations can become strained at times. I want to help you understand the human in your home. Many dogs feel it is a mystery as to why humans invite us to share their homes when they are so bad about sharing everything else.

  • Food: We have all seen signs of human food aggression. They store and hoard food in refrigerators, closets and cupboards. They seldom share well and they can become quite aggressive when you smell or taste their food. To help in dog/human relationships, you need to understand that humans are great at scratching ears and petting heads, but they have this strange need to hoard large amounts of food for themselves. If a dog tries to hide a bone under a sofa, or sniff in a refrigerator, you get yelled at. Very strange behavior, but as a dog you have to be willing to live with it, be supportive of their whims, no matter how strange they seem. That is what best friends are for.
  • Water: They seem to think that only certain water is to be played in; water inside the home in sinks, showers and bathtubs is out of bounds for dogs. Outside water in ponds, lakes and streams is ok for us to play in, but not inside water. Just when we think we have this figured out, they drag us into the shower and give us a bath. Erratic behavior is another human trait that we dogs simply have to learn to tolerate. You can not predict how a human will respond, so be prepared for unusual behavior at any moment.
  • Toys: Humans buy us toys, and then they get mad at us when the toy disintegrates under normal usage. The stuffing comes out too easily and the squeaky parts fall right out with just a small amount of chewing. If they don’t want us to play with the toy, why do they give it to us? Why don’t they buy us stronger toys? If we take matters into our own mouths and pick up a strong, long lasting toy they call it a shoe and take it away.
  • Feeding time: It is important for all dogs to understand that humans are “time challenged”. They seldom feed us on the correct schedule. Just when you think you know the schedule, they change the clocks around and confuse themselves. They call it daylight savings time, but we end up going for a walk in the dark.
  • Walks: Walks offer one of the great dog/human bonding opportunities. If you will take your human on regular walks you will find that dog/human relations improve greatly. Walks give us the opportunity to teach humans how to relax and let go of stress. They tell each other to “stop and smell the roses”, but when we stop to smell the roses or anything else, they get upset and pull on the leash.

    Humans are not perfect, but they are good at scratching ears and tummies, throwing tennis balls, giving treats and providing love, so don’t give up on them, keep working with your human and you will find a way to co-exist with them and their erratic behavior. Remember they are not dogs so you don’t expect them to be perfect.

    Till next time,

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Dog IQ

According to S. Coren, author of “The Intelligence of Dogs”, the top four breeds of dog are 1) Border Collie, 2) Poodle, 3) German Shepherd and 4) Golden Retrievers. He rated 80 different breeds of dogs on a three part intelligence scale which included the speed with which different breeds learn new commands and their consistency in responding to the commands. Dobermans, Shetland Sheepdogs and Labs were the next three, in that order.

As a life-long Golden Retriever, the fix must have been in for Border Collies, Poodles and Shepherds to beat us out. The last time I read a blog that a Poodle had written it was full of misspelling and bad punctuation. They are not even smart enough to run spell check and grammar check before posting to the internet. There is a shepherd down the street and all he does is run up and down the fence barking, he thinks protecting his yard is a big deal. The Border Collie next door spends all of his time putting his toys into long straight rows and gathering the squirrels together in a herd. Neatness must have been one of the factors. Yes, the fix was in on the rating. They gave too much weight to ability to learn commands and how consistently we responded to them but not enough weight to typing skills, grammar and spelling. Doesn’t he know the importance of communication? On behalf of all of us blogging Golden Retrievers, we demand a recount! We learn commands just fine, thank you. Goldens just happen to be independent free thinkers. We want to know “why?” when we are told to go jump into freezing water to rescue a dead duck. Give us a motivation such as a dog treat, two treats if the water is really cold, then watch us move up to number one on the list. Why do ducks always die way out in the middle of a large, cold lake, how dumb is that? I never will understand why humans want dead ducks rescued anyway.

I think I will do a book on “How to train your Human”. I have trained my human to obey me, a much better approach than simply taking orders. It took me days to teach him to scratch my tummy when I roll over on my back, weeks before he figured out that he should take me for a walk when I bring him my leash. If they rated humans on the same scale, they would have placed 82, just behind ducks.


Monday, December 3, 2007

A Forever Home for Christmas

I bragged to Piper that we were both foster dogs, but I was going to be adopted and have a forever home as my Christmas present. Piper surprised me by telling me that her foster parents were going to adopt her also. They call us “Foster Failures” when a foster family takes in a temporary foster and adopts them permanently. We talked about why we had been accepted, loved and adopted in our new homes. Here are some tips to my fellow homeless dogs to help them find forever homes.

  1. Don’t let your human discover that you understand English better than he does, it makes them uncomfortable to have a woman or a dog who is smarter than they are. When I blog I always leave a mistake or two for the humans to find, it makes them fell good. You probably thought all those grammar errors were accidental!
  2. Humans are very food aggressive and they don’t like dogs that act greedy around food. When humans drop food on the floor, remember the 30 second rule, if they don’t grab it in 30 seconds, it’s yours!
  3. Humans can not resist a cute act, otherwise all cats would be homeless. Cats serve no purpose at all, and only cute explains why they are allowed in people’s laps. Act cute and offer humans heads to pat and ears to scratch, it works every time. I lie right beside the TV chair where they can reach down and pet my head or scratch an ear while they are watching TV. It makes them feel loved.
  4. Learn to fetch a ball; it is a skill no human can resist. Simply bring them a ball and they are putty in your paws. Why humans have this ball obsession I don't know, but it works every time.
  5. Bark at the door, even when there is no one there. It reminds them that you are a highly trained and skilled watch dog, without you they would be vulnerable to thieves, prowlers and wandering bears.
  6. Your human takes you for a walk to stay in shape and lose weight, pass it on by chasing the family cat regularly, it keeps them slim and trim as well.
  7. You need to perfect the look that Dave Barry points out to us in his quote: “You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!"

I hope the humans who read this will remember how cold and lonely a kennel can be when you are an abandoned dog during Christmas. Only you can be a foster parent to a lonely dog!

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Christmas is for Dogs!

If you have studied Dog History, you know that there was a dog in Bethlehem, standing guard beside the manger, protecting the Christ Child. On the hills, under the shining star, dogs were helping the shepherds by watching over the flocks that night, while wise men rode their camels down the long road to Bethlehem.

For thousands of years, dogs have been an important part of human life, helping mankind by herding flocks, protecting homes, hunting and fetching wild game, guiding the blind, but most of all, being loyal friends and trusted companions. That is why Christmas is for Dogs! It is the time of year that humans recognize the valuable contributions that dogs make to mankind. Yes, Christmas is a special time of year for humanity and for dogmanity.

When the snow gets deep on the back lawn and the cold makes it difficult to play in the sun, the humans bring in a huge tree and put it up in the living room for us to play around. As a male dog, I find the tree to be a very special gift; humans have heated toilets, now dogs do too. The lights twinkle and shine so we can see our presents under the tree, even after dark when the humans are asleep. I especially like the round shiny toys they hang on the tree. They make such a nice tinkley sound when they break. The cats play with the very low ones and they will get the blame when one is broken or missing. I have a nightly tradition of un-wrapping a Christmas present. The brightly colored, crinkly wrapping paper is so much fun on those long cold winter nights. The ribbon is fun to play with; the bows stick to the fur and add a festive touch to the house. This morning I greeted my human by bringing him a present from under the tree, I even unwrapped it for him. I can tell that Christmas is going to be lots of fun.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Fraternising with the enemy

I have photographic proof that Bella, my ugly step sister, has been fraternizing with the enemy. It is one thing for her to conspire with the cat to take my new bed away from me, now she and the cat have formed an unholy alliance. They actually nap this way, curled up together. It is undognified! If they were taking real naps together it would be bad, but they are taking cat naps, that is unforgivable. Cats are dogs sworn enemies. Cats try to rub up against humans and purr, they curl up on laps, just brown nosing if you ask me. All of them are addicted to catnip, druggies is what they are. Where can I take a cat to put it up for adoption?


Saturday, November 24, 2007

New Bed

Most of my friends remember that when I was just a homeless dog looking for a warm place, the rescue service placed me with my foster family. I had been here four months when my human asked me to become a member of the family, he asked me if he could adopt me so I could stay forever. I said yes, of course, but I also asked for a larger bed, the old bed was too small and part of me always fell off of one side. They brought me home a nice new, soft, large bed. It is a wonderful comfortable bed. Just one problem, Bella and that pesky cat have taken it over. Bella has her own large bed, but she moved over on mine. We have upstairs beds to sleep on at night, and downstairs beds to rest on during the day, and I get pushed out both day and night. The cat is allowed on all the furniture, so it has many choices of where to lie down. But they take my bed! Life is unfair.


Friday, November 23, 2007

Better Homes and Dogs

As you can see from the picture, Bella and I are working hard at redecorating our house. We hope to be the cover story for the December issue of Better Homes and Dogs magazine. We have created a doggie friendly play area out of what was a sterile and dull family room. We have done it in a way that most of our doggie friends can follow in redecorating their own living areas. Now that winter is here, it is important for all of our readers to have a nice warm, dry play area. Notice how we placed the bed near the chair so the human can reach down and scratch an ear or pat a head whenever we need attention. Keeping the toys close at hand instead of in those dreadful toy boxes and baskets means we can play at an instant's notice. De-stuffing toys is a favorite hobby of ours. We can de-stuff a toy faster than the humans can take the sales tags off of it. The toy stuffing scattered on the floor makes a house into a home, don't you think? It adds that doggie cache' that is so important for a well balance and comfortable home. Humans think we hate vacuum cleaners because of the noise, they don't understand we hate vacuum cleaners because they ruin the decor that we have worked so hard to create. So until next month's issue, keep those bones and toys on the floor!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Playing with Bella

One of my favorite games is getting the best of my ugly step sister, Bella. Yesterday the humans gave us each a rawhide bone. Bella chewed hers up quickly. I played with mine, throwing it in the air, chasing it and running like a mad dog around the back yard. Bella darted in and stole mine while I was stalking it. She took it straight under the human’s feet where she could chew on it, knowing I don’t dare start a fight under their feet. I waited until the human got up, then I pulled a leash across the floor. Bella saw the leash and the human on his feet and decided it was time for a walk; she dropped the bone and dashed for the front door with the leash in her mouth. I got the bone.

Today the humans gave us each a steak bone. It was good; I chewed on mine for a long time. Then we had company. Bella had to go lean on the guests, leaving her bone behind. I took both of the bones outside and hid them, then I went to get my share of attention from the visitors. Bella looked and looked for her bone and she could not find it. I was doing fine until I decided to bring one of my bones inside and chew it beside the bed after lights out time. The humans get grumpy when you make noise in the middle of the night; they took my bone away and hide it. Boy are they touchy. Mel Brooks was right, it is good to be the dog.

Balanced Meals

I have become more health conscious lately. I believe in excercising regularly and eating well balance meals. This morning I went out in the orchard and found an apple to eat after my breakfast of dog food. Tonight I started my meal off with a nice green salad with blue cheese dressing. It was the first salad I had ever eaten; it was the best salad I had ever eaten too. I followed that with a nice bowl of dog food. After serving me the dog food my humans went looking for their salad. You would not believe the whole “bad dog” routine they went through, shaking their fingers at me and everything. I thought there was something in the law about abandoned property and salvage rights. They abandoned the salad when they went to get my dog food. I did not get up on the table or do any of the bad things, I know better than to do that. The bowl of salad was left on the coffee table in front of the couch, right where I normally lay under their feet when they eat dinner in front of the TV. They sure are emotional people; they get upset over the slightest things. They are right about one thing though, blue cheese is good stuff!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Food Aggression

If dogs are considered “food aggressive” they are not considered good pets. I learned that by watching the animal planet channel on TV. Then why are humans tolerated when they are extremely food aggressive? I just wanted to sniff the plate that was sitting beside the outdoor fire thing. I was not going to try and grab a steak off of the grill. Boy did they growl and yell at me. When I tried to put my nose up by the table where the good smells were coming from the big pot, they yelled like mad. The bowl of ice cream was just sitting there, the human was not even eating it, and it was melting. He was more interested in talking on that phone thing they hold up to their ear. He yelled and grabbed he bowl away from me, shook his finger at me and went through that whole “bad dog” routine. They have extreme food aggression; they growl and snarl if you even look at their food. If a dog protected his food like humans do we would be banned from the house. In dogs it’s usually the skinny dog that is most aggressive around food as he has not had as much to eat. But with humans, the big ones and the small ones all exhibit the same aggression when it comes to protecting their food. Humans, you can’t understand them and they won’t let us lick them.


Monday, November 12, 2007

Friends Visit

I have not been able to write because I had too much help. Wednesday night Emma, Molly and Piper arrived to spend a week. It is so exciting when I have four extra friends to play with. Molly and Piper are still young dogs and hey have a lot of energy to play with me. While Jenny and Brian are away, the dogs will play. The first few minutes are pretty exciting, we all jump and romp wildly. Then we settle down and just run or an hour or so. Five Golden Retrievers in one house and one yard, it has been a wild week.

My human has only two hands. Lets see, five dogs divided by two hands means that we won't get petted as often, we won't get walked as often, we won't get hugs as often, and we will not get a lap to sleep on by ourselves. In return we get a chance to play until we drop.

Feeding time was a busy time, Emma, Molly and Piper all are very eager eaters. They gobble their food as fast as they can in hopes that they can eat some from another bowl. Bella and I are used to eating slowly, sometimes not finishing our meals till later in the day. We got fed separately so the other three would not steal part of our food. Feeding five dogs at the same time was an exciting task for one human, the three visitors were jumping around and trying to help. Somehow it all worked out.

The human expected trouble from Piper because she has a reputation for being rowdy and out of control. After chasing squirrels all day, running in the back yard with the rest of us, chasing thrown balls and running cats, she was a sweetheart inside the house. She was so tired she could not get into any trouble. Piper had never seen a cat before and for the first couple of days she wanted to chase them, even when they did not want to play. By the time she went home, Piper had learned how to respect cats and she is now certified "cat friendly".

Today Buckley came by for a visit, so for a few hours we had six Golden Retrievers to play with. We ran and chased balls, we chased each other and we chased squirrels. How much fun can six dogs have? A lot. When it was time for the visitors to go home, we all went along. All six of us rode out to Jenny's house and romped in her backyard for a while before Bella, Buckley and I came home. A short time later Buckley went home and the house was quiet. The cats came out of hiding, found a place in the sun and took afternoon naps. It was a fun but tiring week.
It is time for my nap.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Five Hoursemen?

My human said there must be five horsemen of the Apocalypse. The Bible speaks to four of them, War, Famine, Pestilence and Death. He thinks they miscounted originally because there should have been one more of them, the fifth one should have been named Mogley! He says Mogley brings fleas, leaves, tree limbs, old tin cans and broken glass into the living room. He rearranges my closet. He digs holes in the back yard. He shreds toys, breaks tree limbs into tiny bits, scatterer's trash across the yard.

I think he is exaggerating to try and make me look bad. I don't do many bad things. I bring him his shoes, even when he does not want them. Sometimes I try and fetch his shoes when he is wearing them. I am careful to check the inside of all my toys for possible concealed bombs. I take out the stuffing to see if any contraband is hidden inside. Then I play with the squeaker until it finally stops making noise. My human should appreciate the way I convert noisy toys into nice quiet ones. I try and keep the cats from getting too fat by giving them regular exercise. If there is trash in the house, I take it outside, if there is trash outside, I take it inside. I greet people at the door and make them feel welcome. I let him know when the mail man comes by. I tell him when there are people in the park, walking outside of our fence.

I just don't understand what he is complaining about. I think he just has an insecurity. Maybe someday dogs will be able to understand human minds, in the meantime we just lick them and reassure them that we are still their best friends.


Thursday, November 8, 2007

Fun Weekend

What a fun weekend. Saturday morning my human had to go out early, Bella and I were loaded in the car to go along. After several stops we pulled into the dog park play area. There were not very many dogs in the park early in the morning, but it was fun to just run. Pretty soon another Golden Retriever came in and we ran some more. Just running with other dogs for the fun of running is great. New friends and new paths to follow.

We had just arrived home when my three cousins arrived. Jenny dropped Emma, Molly and Piper by to play. GRRR called Piper, Pepsi, but Bryan and Jenny liked Piper better. The two names sound enough alike that the change was not difficult. We spent the whole day with five dogs running in the yard, wrestling and playing. Jenny and Bryan were going on a trip and they needed to make sure that all five dogs got along well enough to spend a week together. We did fine. Piper did not pass the initial cat test, she wanted to chase a cat, but the cat did not want to be chased. It was a tie, Piper continued to pester the cats and the cats went into hiding, coming out to spit and swipe at her when she got too close. Emma is an older golden girl, she gets along with everyone. Molly was adopted from GRRR several years ago, she is slightly hyper, but she is focused on the squirrels in the back yard. She is a great squirrel hunter. The back fence is about 300 feet long and the squirrels run up and down on the top of it with Molly chasing them back and forth. Piper (or Pepsi) is a foster dog. Piper is a "golden angel" because she suffers from addison's disease. She gets several little white pills every day, and she has to have a shot every month. Addison's disease and the medications for it causes her to be constantly hungry, thirsty and hyper active. This puts the whole house at risk as she tries to eat everything. We have to be very careful that she not have small toys or weak toys that she can tear apart and eat. Before Piper arrived all of my soft toys were gathered up.

Piper is happy at my house, there are still lots of apples on the ground all over the back yard. She can eat at our house and not worry about getting fat. Two or three apples in addition to breakfast helps keep the hunger away.

When my three cousins went home that night I was told that they would be coming back to stay for a week. Boy will that be fun! Tail wags and face licks for everyone!


Sunday, November 4, 2007

Undognified Conduct

Un-dog-ni-fied: –adjective- characterized or marked by a lack of dignity. Degrading and/or inappropriate actions or conduct for a dog. Something that only a cat would do.

When I do something bad, my human says I am being undognified. I argued there is no such word. He brought out copies of a German Dictionary and a Spanish Dictionary, to prove that there were many different dictionaries. He explained that since very few dogs write books or blogs, the Dog Dictionary is not as well known as the English Dictionary is. As part of my blog it will be my duty to spread the word about the Dog Dictionary and inform my readers of some of the more important definitions in it. I would feel better if the spell checker would recognize it as a word.

I was digging a hole under a sprinkler today when he told me it was conduct unbecoming a dog, he said it was undognified of me to dig holes in the lawn. He pointed to the cat who digs in the garden and told me that it was the kind of thing only a cat would do. He does have a point; in the future I will try and keep my digging away from where the cat digs.

In future blogs I will try to include some references to key dog words in order to improve dog/man relations.


Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Squirrels in trees

This is a picture of Bella, my ugly step sister, trying to climb a tree to catch the squirrel. I have brought a stick to beat the squirrel with when Bella shakes it out of the tree. We make a great squirrel hunting pair. My human says that Bella and I do a wonderful job of protecting the house and the yard. He says that he has not seen a wolverine in our back yard since we moved in. No elephants either he says. Boy are we good, we work for just a few bones, food morsels, head pats and a warm place to sleep. We are much cheaper than an alarm service, and we can keep you warm at night as well.

If any readers are worried about having wild wolverines or stray elephants in their yard, just call Golden Retriever Rescue of the Rockies. Or go to to see if there is a Golden Guard available for your home. If you already have a security company or burglar alarm, we are more alert and we are a lot more fun. Besides, if you forget to pet us when you come home, the police don't come rushing to your door. Just try and take your burglar alarm for a walk. My human wants me to remind you that a Golden Guard on duty works even when the electricity goes out and it can keep you warm on a winter night.

Mogley, the 24/7 Golden Guard

Black Cats and Witches

Now I understand! Halloween taught me a lesson. The black cat that haunts my home is a witch's assistant. That is the only explanation as to why the cat continues to haunt my life. The cat is certainly bad luck, I crossed its path and it follows me everywhere. It steals my bed, I have to sleep on the floor. You have already heard that when I play with the cat's toys the humans get all upset. I bring my toys to the cat to share with it and it ignores them. I brought my favorite ball and dropped it in front of it, time after time, and it just sat there. Why would a human want a pet that will not even play ball? If I don't fetch the ball he complains that "His retriever is broken". The cat gets away with a lot. The only time the cat is any fun is when he goes up the tree and chases the squirrel. When the cat climbs the tree the squirrel gets very upset. But the cat never catches it. The cat spends time in the garden hunting mice. Once in a while it brings a mouse inside which makes life exciting for a little while. Cats, you can't live with them and you can't chase them!


Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Halloween Party

On Sunday we went to the Golden Retriever Rescue of the Rockies annual Halloween Party. It is so much fun to go meet all of my golden brothers and sisters. When we first arrived we were turned lose to get acquainted. We ran and played, then ran some more. Several humans were throwing tennis balls, there were enough tennis balls in the air for everyone to show off our "fetch" skills. They let us play for a while without our costumes. Then at 1:00 we were dressed up and lined up for the judging. I was dressed up as a "Golden Angel". I had my halo and my white night shirt on. My ugly step sister, Bella, went as a ballerina. There were so many dogs with cute costumes. The Millers were there with the Poo Crew, Poo Bear was dressed up in a Winny the Poo costume, complete with a honey pot. We did not win anything, there were too many wonderful costumes for us a get a prize. The best prize of all was having a day to run and play with 30 or 40 of our friends. There were dogs running around inviting each other to play and people throwing tennis balls for anyone to fetch. The humans had food set out on a long table. It was "Trip or Treat time", if you can trip a human you can get a treat. Several dogs tried to cheat and take something off of the table but there were table guards who scolded cheaters, you know, the whole "bad dog" routine. Some people ate standing up because if they sat down they were at "dog level" and they had to protect the food and try to eat at the same time. The game is called "To the fastest go the chicken legs". Dogs and humans eating from the same plate, at least when the humans are not looking! What a wonderful world we live in.

Monday, October 29, 2007

A Forever Home

When my human sat down on the floor with me, I thought it was time for a tummy rub or a wrestle on the floor. Instead he started talking to me about how happy he has been to have me stay with him. I have been staying here as a “foster dog” for the last four months. It sounded like he was leading into telling me he had found a new home for me. I started thinking about all the bad things I have done recently. I did chew on his glasses. He has two pair and one pair was just lying there, so I tried them on, they did not fit without some modifications to the plastic bows. Before I had finished modifying them to fit he grabbed them away from me and went through the whole “bad dog” routine. Boring! Several days later he left the second pair on the coffee table so I tried those on to see if they fit better. Same result, I had barely started chewing on the plastic bows when he took them away and scolded me again, this time very loudly. I chewed on the handle of the cat’s brush, he was spending too much time brushing the cat anyway. I ran out the door and all the way down into the park, twice in one day they had to run after me to catch me. But I have not done anything real bad, have I?

My worries were misplaced; he was talking to me about turning my “foster home” into a “forever home”. He asked me if I wanted to stay here forever. I almost said yes right away, but I was too busy wagging and licking him. Then it occurred to me, I needed to be negotiating some better terms. I asked for a bigger bed, Bella and I share one large bed, but she takes the center of it and I often end up on the floor. I asked for some new toys and more peanut butter on my daily “treat”. I was getting everything I wanted, but when I asked for a mint on my pillow every night I must have over reached, he turned me down and started giving me rules. He apparently does not like the way I run into the park whenever a door or a gate is left unguarded, he gets frustrated having to chase me down to bring me home. Most of the time I obey well, but the park is a wonderful place. He does not want me chewing on glasses, phones or TV controllers. He wants me to stop taking toys away from the cats and chewing them up. He even threatened that if I don't stop playing with cat toys that he will put a notice on my blog "Mogley plays with cat toys" and embarrass me. I promised I would try harder to listen to his commands. He told me he will have to do some paper work to make it official with the Golden Retriever Rescue group but he had already asked them if it would be all right.

We celebrated the occasion by taking a walk in the park, then getting tummy rubs and a little ice cream treat. I have a forever home instead of a foster home. I can keep writing my blog. I don’t have to worry about someone taking me away from my step sister, Bella, we have so much fun playing together. Now I can make plans for my future. Maybe I will go to obedience school and surprise everyone by becoming a well behaved, well adjusted dog. Then again, maybe not!

I am so happy I wiggle all over. But then I think about all my friends that are still in Doggy Jail at the rescue kennels, and how happy they would be if they had homes too. Maybe I can help by telling people how much a forever home means to a orphan Golden Retriever.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Snow Fun

Snow is fun. It snowed over the weekend for the first time this year. Bella and I ran out to play in the snow till we got cold, then we came in to dry off. I ran with my nose in the snow, making the snow blow all over my face. We carried toys outside to play with; we got them wet and soggy. Bella and I wrestled in the snow till we were both white. My human came out and threw white balls to me to fetch, it was hard to find them once they landed. Bella told me that he was just teasing me as the balls were made of snow and broke apart when they hit the ground. I did not think that was very nice. I decided I needed to get revenge on him when I got the chance.

The TV controller was just sitting there. The resident human seems to think it is a wonderful toy. He plays with it for hours every day. He went to the store without me, so you can’t blame me for trying to find something to entertain myself with while he is gone. I took it out front so I could lay in the sun and watch the driveway at the same time. I tried chewing on the controller; it does not even taste good. What he sees in it I have no idea, it certainly was not as much fun as I thought it would be, considering how attached he is to it. He got all upset when he came home and found it on the front porch, what he sees in that toy I have no idea. He uses it to make the picture change on the TV, sometimes he watches animal planet and I do enjoy watching the animals, but they do get boring fast. At least he now knows that if he throws snowballs for me to fetch, I will find a way to get even.

I think I will go take a nap in the sun.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

It is raining Apples!

Apples are for eating. That sounds like a children’s book I chewed on late one night. It was a fair book, not a lot of flavor, but it was fun to chew up. Apples are fun to eat. There are so many on the ground in the back yard that Bella and I chew on them, use them to play ball with, and just tear them up for fun. Bella has been eating so many apples every day that she is getting a little heavy. The humans tried to cut back on her food; all she does is eat her dinner, then run out and eat more apples. Sometimes she pushes me away from my dish and finishes up my dinner, and then I run out and have an apple. It is nice to be able to have a snack when I need one.

They gave us several new toys last night, Bella and I demolished them by noon. The pull toys had weak knots and the rubber balls on the ropes were easy to tear up. The stuffed toys had lots of stuffing, we scattered it all over the floor, it looked like a snow storm had hit the living room. Even the rawhide chew toys only last an hour or so. Bella and I tug and pull on the toys until we pull them apart. The only toy that has lasted is one that is made from a huge piece of rope with several knots in it; we have not been able to tear it up yet, we can get a good grip on it when we play tug, and it’s too thick to chew through. What the world needs is a good, strong dog toy that holds up and tastes good!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Just say "Yes".

My humans are language challenged. They only know one word. “No”. If they would like to expand their horizons they should try the Thesaurus, it lists six more words they could use. Instead they just repeat “no” over and over again. They think that by using the word “no” in higher and shriller tones they are communicating better. The latest was last night.

Trash cans are for trash, right? I looked up the meaning of trash and it means something you no longer want, you want to dispose of it, rid yourself of it. So when the humans throw something in the trash it should be all right for the resident dogs to use the contents of the trash can in their quest for a little fun, right? But no, when I grabbed an empty cat food can out of the trash can in the middle of the night and tried to quietly chew on it in the corner of the bedroom; they woke up and took it away from me. It was not as if they needed the empty can, they did not want it, they just did not want their loyal friend, the dog, to have it. They took it and threw it into a different, and harder to reach, trash can.

There was some good to come out of it. When they find me chewing on things I should not chew on, they go out and buy more dog toys. Bella and I go through toys rather fast. We play tug-o-war constantly, and very few toys can take our punishment. Tonight they came back from the store with five new, ruggedly built toys. I appreciate their concern, but it would be just fine with me if they would just leave the trash cans out for me, it would give me something to play with and it would save them money. To my humans I have a simple message. “Just say Yes”!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Daily Peanut Butter

Mogley’s blog for October 5, 2007

My Humans refilled my prescription today, I don’t understand what that is, I guess that my daily peanut butter requires a Doctor’s approval. I thought I got a twice-daily peanut butter treat because I was a special dog. When I read the label on the bottle, it says that I cannot drive or operate heavy equipment when I take my daily treat. I don’t understand humans. I have no intention of driving or operating heavy equipment. I get into the drivers seat when they leave me alone but I just like to make the windows go down. Dogs need to have the wind in our face, it’s a dog thing, humans would not understand. Humans know I don’t have a drivers license, I can’t even reach the peddles on the floor. I am just happy that I will still get a peanut butter treat twice a day, it would be better if they stopped putting that little white thing in it, it makes it harder to lick.

Time for my afternoon nap

Sunday, October 7, 2007


The resident Human says he is going to use a snow shovel to “pooper-scoop”. For ten days we had company. Our friend Tommy got married and our gift to him was to “dog-sit” with his two Golden Retrievers, Theo and Reba, along with Barkley, their noisy Pomeranian, so they could take a short honeymoon. But we are not that messy that he has to use a snow shovel!

It has been a fun time for me; there was always at least one dog that was willing to play when somebody wanted a romp. Feeding time was lots of fun too; Tommy feeds each of his dogs a different food. We played musical food bowls. Reba and I would switch bowls immediately, then we would both go help Barkley and Theo to finish theirs. Theo is an older lady and she eats slowly, Barkley eats out of Theo’s bowl and leaves her own untouched. That made feeding time so much fun, we got to try new foods. Nobody got grumpy, everyone shared like good friends.

Bedtime was the only hassle. With five dogs wanting to sleep in the same place, it got awfully crowded alongside the bed. When the humans got up, they kept tripping over dogs. This is good because a human on the floor while he is still sleepy is easy to lick. After he picked himself up he had to go wash off five different sets of dog licks. The Pomeranian kept trying to sleep on the bed, which made the rest of us mad because we were not allowed on the bed. It made the cats mad too, they were used to having the bed to themselves. The cats like to sleep on the bed and look down on us poor dogs on the floor. The dog bed was never designed for five dogs, it normally only has to hold Bella and I. Sleepovers are fun, but I am glad that they went home so we can have peace and quiet again.

Tonight I will dream of playing with my friends. Mogley

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Fleas in a Keyboard?

I do not have fleas! My human accused me of having fleas. The hard drive on the computer went down which is why I have not been posting to my blog regularly. He claims that “fleas in the keyboard” caused the computer crash. I strongly protest the allegation. Bella, my ugly stepsister may have fleas, but not me. It may have caught fleas from some friends that have been visiting for the last week, but it would be impolite to point a paw at them. I think the computer caught a virus when my human visited one of those naked French poodle sites. He told me to stay away from them, but I think he visits them while I am outside defending the yard from the squirrels. Until the good computer comes back from the shop I am working on a very old computer, in dog years this computer is 60 years old. It is so old it has a crank on the side of it to wind it up. That is old!

My human went to the garden to pick the ripe red tomatoes for lunch. Surprise, I had been there first and I got the ripe ones. They tried to put up a fence around them, but I still eat the tomatoes. In the afternoon when I am chasing away the raccoons and the squirrels, I need a quick snack and tomatoes really hit the spot. I even eat the green ones when they are not looking. The apples are ripe and laying on the ground, they are good too! It sure is fun to be a dog in a big back yard with a garden, fruit trees, grass and squirrels. If you have a back yard you are not using, I know where you can find a homeless Golden Retriever that would love to protect it from varmints!

Dream of happy days in the fall sunshine.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Volunteer Appreciation Party

My human reported back from the Golden Retriever Rescue Volunteer Thank-You Party. I should still be mad that they did not include dogs in the party, but I will forgive and forget. It proves how big of a dog I am. He told me to tell you what makes us so special.

We have a new format for our meetings. Mary began by standing up and announcing, “Hi, I’m Mary, and I am a Golden-a-holic. The rest of us responded with “Hi, Mary”. Then Mary explained, “It has been four hours since I took a stray Golden Retriever home with me. I have 14 dogs at home now, I am trying to taper off from the 18 dog-a-day habit I once had.” Then one by one the rest of the rescue team stood up and told their stories.

Golden Retrievers, bet you can’t take just one!

The Golden Retriever Rescue group has grown with many new faces present. During introductions around the room it became obvious that the 30 or so humans accounted for about 50 Golden Retrievers. Many of the volunteers were fostering several Goldens in their homes, keeping them out of the kennels that we call “Doggy Jail”. Several people drove long distances to pick up unwanted dogs that were being turned in to the rescue, from Denver to Idaho, Wyoming, Oklahoma, Kansas, and Utah, returning them to be placed in new homes. We rescue many breeds besides just Goldens, helping wherever we can. We have received the dogs from several puppy mills that have been closed down which gives us many puppies to place.

A very special thanks went out to the volunteers that go by the kennels and take dogs out for a romp in the park and even take them for a day hike in the mountains. The people at the party said “thank you”, but if the dogs had been there, there would have been a special “thank you”, doggy style with licks and wags. Can you imagine how much the dogs appreciate the chance to get out of the chain link cages to go run with a human friend, even for only an hour? So a big sloppy doggy thank you from me as well.

We all had damp eyes when they announced that Poo Bear had suffered a stroke. Poo Bear is a 9-year-old Golden that is blind, she was found on a street, abandoned. Her story is an amazing tale of perseverance and of how much love a dog can bring. Poo had a halter just like a Seeing Eye dog; only her halter was for the human to guide her. Poo played with the other dogs, ran and tumbled when she fell in holes, or hit a tree, but she still ran and played with her friends. I met Poo at the picnic and she was a wonderful, loving dog. She is now unable to walk following her stroke, but she is still man’s best friend. Her foster parents deserve an extra lick and wag when I see them again, they gave Poo a loving home and a second chance at life.

Wonderful dogs end up in rescue for a lot of reasons; none of the reasons are their own. Sometimes an owner has to go to a nursing home and an old, loved Golden friend ends up needing a new home, or a death leaves a family grieving and a dog homeless. One dog that is up for adoption was out on a walk with his human when the human suffered a heart attack and died, leaving a bewildered dog standing in the street. The military transfers families and a beloved, well-mannered Golden has to live in a kennel until a new home can be found. Allergies or illness have forced people to surrender their best friends. Often the people who have surrendered the Golden call to find out if it has a good new home, and they follow up with training tips and favorite toys. The Golden is bewildered by being sent away from his best friends. He behaved well, did not chew up furniture, always fetched the ball when it was thrown, did not bark and walked politely on a leash, then he finds himself alone in a tiny chain link run. The foster families provide stability and a new, loving home while a “forever home” is found. Thanks again for taking us in. We just wish there were more of you.

Thanks to all of the volunteers that made 306 placements possible so far this year, from a Golden Retriever that was rescued! Go to to read more about adopting, becoming a volunteer or to donate. There are still 40 dogs needing homes, and more coming in every day. Please help!
PS: My human must like what I wrote tonight, he gave me a long tummy scratch!

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Volunteer party

I hate to use my blog for such a purpose, but I need to let the world know about an injustice that was committed by Golden Retriever Rescue. They scheduled a party and did not invite Golden Retrievers! I thought it was an oversight, so I sent them this message to correct it. Since they refused to change the party and invite Retrievers, I am going to expose them to the public.

Sent via E-mail:
I suggest that you need someone to proof read your invitation to the Golden Retriever Rescue of the Rockies Volunteer Appreciation Party (GRRRVAP). Or maybe it's a practical joke and someone is sitting back laughing. OK, where did they hide the camera? To tell you the truth, when I first read it, I was upset. Then my human explained that it was probably just a "typo".

You have probably already noticed that someone slipped a little something funny on the invitation. It says "sorry, no young kids or dogs". You may think it was funny, I did not.

I assume you meant "No young kids or young dogs". I can understand why you would not want puppies at the party. After all, they untie shoestrings, they wet on the floor, they yip and yap at everything and they steal all of my toys. Even worse, they are fast and when something falls from a plate, they often get to it first. I can understand why you would not want young children, I get irritated when they pull my ears and sit on me. Their high pitched laughter is hard on my sensitive ears, and they steal my toys too. So it was a good decision to keep young humans and young puppies away from a classy party.

But a Golden Retriever event without Golden Retrievers? Are you going to have a BBQ party with out any BBQ? Are you having a cocktail party without any cocktail's? A volunteer party without any volunteers? I think not!

You still have time to redeem yourself in the eyes of dogs everywhere by correcting the error in your invite. Then if you beg me enough for forgiveness, I may attend, depending on what kind of dog treats you offer. It is only fair considering how much humans make me beg!

Thank you,
Mr. Mogley G. Retriever
PS. Don't force me to take this public by posting it on my blog!

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

A typical "Dog's Day"

I did not get a chance to write my blog last night, my humans went off to dinner and left the computer turned off. It has been a busy weekend. Saturday morning I was “fish watching” when I accidentally fell into the fish pond, again. In the past when I fell in the pond a human was there to pull me out. This time the humans were up the ladder picking apples. By the time they got to me I had made a huge discovery. The front side of the pool is very steep and deep, but I can walk out of the back side, up the little stream that runs into it. As soon as the humans were up the ladders in the apple trees again, I went into the fish pond again. I now have that “fresh fish” smell, the humans keep bathing me, but now I can jump in the pond when ever I want. The fish sure get excited when I get in their pond. They don’t play very well with others. One small step for a dog, one giant leap for Dog-Kind. Yeah! Later when the humans were busy I checked out the steps in the swimming pool again, they still are too steep and drop off too quick for me to wade in easily. But the fish pond is now mine!

The apples that fall on the ground are almost as much fun to play with as tennis balls. I catch the apples that fall and run them around the yard. I take a bite out of a few before I move on.

Sunday the humans covered the swimming pool for the winter. That gives me a lot of new toys. The pool is covered with a big cover, now I have to find out how much I can run around on the cover before I get in trouble. Then there are the water bags, when I jump on them the water sloshes around. I hope they won’t cover the fish pond. I am not sure I am going to like winter.

The kitten was allowed out of the house and into the back yard today. The humans think that if the kitten is allowed to play with me in the back yard, he will be able to find his way back into the house if he ever gets out. The back yard gives us more room to run and play. I helped him find the good places to hide in the back yard. He found the catnip in the garden and enjoyed it, but he was not impressed by the fish pond. He did not seem to like swimming very well. The kitten does not understand how dog doors work, it is going to take a long time before he can come and go on his own.

That is all for now, I am going to dream of dogs and kittens running in the back yard.


A Kitten Invasion!

As you can see by the picture, the kitten is not only still here, but the kitten thinks it is in charge. It sleeps on MY Bed! It is not fair. When I take a cat toy to play with, the Humans make me drop it. They are afraid I will swallow it, as if any self respecting dog wanted to eat catnip. When I eat out of the cat’s bowl you would think I had done something terrible like barking at the mailman or sneaking a peak to see what’s on the table a meal time. The cat eats out of my bowl whenever it wants to and the Humans think it is “Cute.” When I chase the kitten off of my bed they tell me to “play carefully with the Kitten!" When the kitten takes a swipe at me with its claws they don’t tell the kitten to “play carefully with Mogley!” My nose is still tender from our last play session. If they plan to give me the kitten for my birthday you would think they would de-claw it first. But no, they think the kitten is cute when it swats me and draws blood, but if I even chase it too fast they yell at me. Life is sure unfair.

Tonight I will dream of kittens running away from home.

Just another day of Golden Fun

My Human got out of bed this morning and mumbled something about “Friday the 13th on a Thursday, that is twice as unlucky”. Then he went out to find the morning paper. He could have sent me! I can find the paper, and then help him do his morning exercises to catch me with it to read it. A good run before reading the morning paper is good exercise for both of us. For some reason my Human does not like a game of “keep away” early in the morning. Maybe after he has his coffee he will play “fetch and catch” with the paper.

After breakfast I went out to the pond and pulled out a few water lily leaves. The fish keep hiding under the leaves. I like to see the fish when I am laying on the edge of the pond. Fish watching is a great sport on a hot summer day. If I pull out some of the leaves the fish watching is easier. Then I can catch some fish food as it floats by.

Buckley came by for a play date today. He likes to run with us in the back yard. He and I have lots of fun barking at the squirrels and the people walking on the path in the park behind the house. Buckley stayed to have dinner with us. Buckley is very polite at meal time also. He did not eat until he was invited to.

Tonight I will dream of running in the park with my friends.

The Dirty Dozen

Today we went to a picnic at the home of the “Dirty Dozen”. The puppies were so cute, but the mother was very scared of all the people around her puppies, after a life in a crate, she was very timid. She came to the Golden Retriever Rescue from a puppy farm and she was very timid from lack of human contact. Luckily her foster parents are taking special care to make her feel secure, they are giving her a good loving home, and taking good care of her and her puppies. There were probably 20 people and 25 Golden Retrievers. The host had set up a wading pool so we could all play in the water. They know how to throw a party for Golden Retrievers!

They allowed all of us Golden Retrievers to run in and out of the house whenever we wanted to. This meant that we had wet dogs mixing with dry dogs, mixing with people trying to eat and wet floors everywhere. It was lots of fun. I made several new friends and saw old friends from the prior events and from my time in the shelter.

What do you call it when 6 puppies sleep in one pile? One half of a Dirty Dozen? Puppies play hard and then they lay down where they are at the moment and nap. Then they wake up and play again. The Dirty Dozen have a motto, “Leave no shoestring tied”. They immediately attacked everyone’s shoestrings when a human came in their room.

There was good news and bad news at the picnic. Another family of puppy mill dogs is on its way to the Golden Retriever Rescue kennels. That means we will have more fun puppies, but it also means we need more foster homes, more forever homes, more volunteers to walk and play with the dogs, more donations for the vet costs and for the food. My human says to remind the readers that we are a 501(C) (3) organization. Luckily dogs don’t have to file tax returns, but it seems to mean something to my human. You can donate to help us rescue deserving dogs and deduct it as well by visiting our site at the following: Then click on the "Donations, Add to Cart" to go to Pay Pal and help us out. Also, go to d"Home "and read about all the other Golden Retrievers that need help.

When I got home I took a nap. It was a long day of running and splashing. Bella and I agree, picnics with our doggy friends are great.

Tonight I will dream of puppies playing.

Tomorrow is Picnic day

Tomorrow is a Golden Retriever Picnic at the home of “The Dirty Dozen”. The Dirty Dozen refers to 12 new puppies that we have to find homes for. The mother was a puppy mill captive who arrived at the Golden Rescue just in time to have her puppies in a real home. I sent an E-mail to the picnic hosts to see if I could bring my Humans with me to the picnic. They said it was all right to bring humans, but I have to be sure my humans behave. I am excited to see all of my Golden friends again. So many of them are still in kennels and they only get out to play at picnics if volunteers go by and take them out. We have a fine group of people that go by the kennels and take the dogs out for a romp and play once in a while. We have 40 dogs like me that are looking for homes and have to live in a kennel until some human comes forward to take them in and give them a forever home. We need adoptive parents and temporary foster parents so these wonderful dogs can get out of “Doggy Jail”. Donations are important too, it costs a lot of money in vet fees, food and toys to keep this many dogs healthy and happy. Most of the Golden’s are in poor health when they come to us, many of them need special diets and pills till they recover.

Remember, I have a new kitten at my house. The Humans finally explained that my birthday is coming and the kitten was supposed to be a surprise present for me. I will be the only dog on the block with his own kitten, which makes it a little easier to accept. The kitten still won’t play with my toys, but he runs well and he is fun to lick. He comes and plays with us when he gets bored. He even tries to scratch my favorite dog bed. In the picture you see the cat tying to scratch my bed while Bella just watches.

I have invented a new game; I just don’t know what to call it. Shall I call it Hide and Go Poop or call it Poop and Go Seek? The game is played when I go out in the back yard and disappear. Then my Human comes out and tries to clean up the yard, but he does not know where to look. I am getting good at faking him out, he begins where he cleaned up last, but I fooled him. By using a different corner of the yard each time I go, he gets exercise, he gets fresh air, and he learns to observe his surroundings. He goes over to the fence and looks at the apple trees, he can see how tall the grass is growing and where the weeds are showing up. He goes over and checks around the Koi pond, then over by the shed, then up in the garden and through the aspen grove. When he is done he has had a morning in the great outdoors. It saves him the cost of a health spa, and he does not have to attend exercise class. This could be the start of a new fitness craze, “Golden Fitness, the Golden Retriever way.” We will sell books and videos to help people keep fit. This could be bigger than Doggy Parks. With every video purchased, you get a free Golden Retriever.

Tonight I will dream of all my Golden Friends getting out of Doggy Jail and going home to new forever homes.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Training my Human.

I found some books on the coffee table on non-verbal communication. I decided to work on training my master. It took some time but I finally trained my Foster to scratch my tummy when I roll over on my back. That was just a start; I decided to work on other non-vocal communications. I began by bringing my leash to him, actually I bring in Bella’s leash, mine is very small and no fun to carry. This is my signal to go for a walk. If he is in the wrong shoes, I bring him a new pair. It took quite a few tries but I think he has finally grasped the concept. They finally understood that when I bring a ball to them they are supposed to throw it. I am working on bringing him my food dish when it is meal time; he seems to be challenged by the concept of time. Training humans is difficult; they seem to be slow to grasp concepts.

I tried to help in the kitchen today. They were holding down a very dirty plate while they arranged things in the dishwasher. I turned on my “pre-wash” attachment and began to scrub the plate. You would have thought I had done something bad, they yanked the plate away and told me to stay away from the dishwasher. I am confused now. They put the dishes in there to make the dirt go away. I can make the dirt go away without any waste of water or soap, and do it with no effort from them. If they want to be environmentally correct, a Golden Retriever uses much less energy than a dishwasher. Humans are sure hard to understand!

Tonight I will dream of humans fetching my tennis ball!

Dachshunds, They will not trade me, will they?

Dachshunds! My Foster parents are threatening to take me to the Dachshund rescue kennels and trade me for a Dachshund. They fell over me twice because they tried to step over me just as I was standing up. Wait till they lose a tennis ball in the pool and they want their Dachshund to fetch it! Wait till they throw a Frisbee, and they send their Dachshund to retrieve it. Wait till a visitor needs to be greeted at the door with licks, wags, wiggles and snuggles. Then they will realize how valuable their Golden Retriever is! They would not really trade me in, would they? Maybe I won’t lay down in the kitchen or the hallway, just in case.

The cat is staying! After three weeks they gave up. No one is going to call and claim a lost cat. I tried to tell them that. They should have taken the cat to the Dumb Friends League when they first found it. Now they say it is so cute and it plays so well with Bella and I. They took the cat to the vet for a health check up and get its shots. I hope they got it inspected for cooties, I am sure cats have cooties. I knew the battle was lost when they took down the signs advertising “Found, Black Kitten”. If I have to share the house with a kitten, I am going to chase him and make him miserable. He comes running by me while I am relaxing, he bounces just in front of me before he takes off running again, just begging me to chase him. I jump up and chase him but he is already hiding behind the couch. He lays down on my bed and dares me to chase it. Cats are pests!

Tonight I will dream of chasing cats.Mogley

Road Trip!

I knew something different was happening when my Foster took my bed out and put it in the back of the SUV. Jenny (my humans daughter) came by with her car and since her car was small and she had three Golden’s, we offered to let Pepsi ride with us. The back of the SUV is high enough that we can see out the windows very easy when the seats are down. Bella, Pepsi and I watched the scenery go by for a while till we got bored, then we all arranged ourselves to take a nap. Bella climbed in the front seat and rode like the queen she thinks she is. Pepsi and I curled up in the back, I slept on my dog bed but Pepsi had to nap on the hard floor. We stopped at a rest stop in some place called “Chugwater, WY” and we went to run for a few minutes. Bella told me that when they tell you to go “potty”, stall! It makes our run in the park last longer. So I took my time until they headed back to the car with me, then I finally gave in. We had another long nap until we came to a place called “Casper”. We stopped there and had a short walk, and they left us for lunch. On the road again, they had to pull over in just a few miles. The human looked back and discovered that Pepsi had pushed the lid off of the dog food and was gobbling it up.

The rest of the trip was uneventful. We arrived at the cabin high in the Big Horn Mountains. Boy did the air smell good when we got out. All kinds of strange smells were in the air. We did not know what they were but they were sure fun. After a walk in the woods, we went inside. After dinner we went for another walk, Bella and I stalled going potty again so we could sniff and enjoy the night air before we had to go to bed. The picture shows three of us in Jenny's lap, relaxing after a long drive.

The next morning we found that the cabin windows were very low and the window screens allowed us to smell and watch outside just fine. Just outside were some things called deer. We barked and barked until they ran away. A little while later several things they called wild turkeys went by. We barked and made them run too. When we went out for a walk we discovered that there were some great big things called cows on the hill. We barked at them and they went “moo” at us. This time we ran back a ways. Later that day a man came by on something called a horse. We barked at it also, but the cowboy just waved at us. Cows and horses do not have any fear of dogs, barking did not impress them at all. They are big and scary.

When the wind changed and we were down wind from the cows, we discovered why our Foster parents compared the methane production of a cow to a Golden Retriever. It was an insulting comparison. I may demand an apology, it was a gross exaggeration, Golden’s do not smell that bad!

Dinner that evening was exciting; Just before Jenny set the bowls down, Molly started fighting with Pepsi. It was scary; Bella and I never fight, so a real fight scares me. Bella and I had become Pepsi’s friend, the three of us played together and had a good time, but Molly was a grumpy dog. They grabbed Molly’s collar and quieted her down. It is hard to be grumpy when there are so many things to do and new smells to sniff.

The next two days were fun; we saw more deer, more cows, turkeys, and several neighbor dogs. Lucy, a black Lab from up the road came down and gave me one of her toys when she asked me to play. There were so many new things to bark at and all kinds of new smells. Later I ran off to visit the dog from Gillette; he was in a camper across the road. When I got loose again I went back to see him, everyone got upset just because I go for a little run down the road. When the lawn sprinklers came on I got to play in them, it was fun, wet and cool. There was a river and a pond, but my fosters would not let us play in it, they were trying to keep us clean and dry to ride in the car. Over the three days we were in the forest, we smelled things we had never smelled before, we saw a lot of new animals, and we ran till we panted. When it was time to jump in the car and head home, we were glad to lay down and have a long nap.

After a long time on the road again, we arrived back home. It was fun seeing new scenery, seeing lots of new animals, and meeting some new dog friends. We were tired of being cooped up in the car so we ran around the yard a lot before dinner. After dinner we slept all night long.

I have dreams of deer and turkeys running in the woods.

Getting ready for a long trip.

Road Trip! My Foster parents told Bella and I to pack our leashes, bones, toys and bed, we are going to Northern Wyoming.

My cousins told me about the ranch in Wyoming, Pepsi, Molley and Emma went up there last week with their humans. It is a long drive but there are several rest stops along the way. Rest stops along the highway are fun, we get to meet a lot of different dogs. When we get to the mountians, they said there are deer in the yard every day, bears in the hills, wild turkeys in the trees, raccoons, foxes, ducks, coyotes and lots of birds. There are some big things called cows and in the corrals there are some horses. They told me that we have to be very careful not to go very far from the yard. They don’t let us run loose very much as it is dangerous if we run away following a deer. There is a stream in the yard so we can play in the water every day.

For the next five days I won’t be able to blog, but when I get back, I should have some great stories.

Tonight I will dream about deer, whatever they are.

What is Methane?

“Cows are being unfairly blamed for global warming,” according to my foster dad. He thinks that as a source of methane in the air, Golden Retrievers should be examined more closely. “As a group, Golden Retrievers would beat cows hands (or tails) down, in both quantity and quality of methane produced” he said last night as he opened the doors and windows. I am not sure exactly what he means, but it sounds like another thing that we Golden Retrievers excel at. Are we good or what?

I am still torn as to what to call our Golden Retriever Squeaky Toy Band. Maybe I should seek suggestion from my blog readers. We also have to decide which songs we record. I know there are some doggone good songs for us. Hound Dog, an old Elvis hit is a natural. Old Dog Trey is a little dated for an up beat group like us. I will explore more of these in my next blog. It is unfair, there is an entire stage play about “Cats”. I have looked and looked, but there is no stage play or movie named “Dogs”. Where is the justice?

Just in case anyone has forgotten, there is still a kitten in my house. How do you deport an illegal alien?

Tonight I will dream of Squeaky Toy Concerts.

Cats and Kittens are a plague!

Cats and Kittens are the reason there is war, pestilence, famine and plague in the world. Democrats and Republicans each blame it on the other party. No, the cause is Cats and Kittens. The kitten arrived eight days ago and it is still here. We advertised on the web, we posted 14 signs on stop signs for a mile in every direction. We put up notices in the grocery stores and even several vet clinics. We still have not found anyone that will admit they lost a kitten. I could have predicted that no one would claim it, who in the world would want a kitten back if they lost one? They probably celebrated when they discovered that the kitten had left. If someone did show up to claim it I was prepared to give them two cats as a bonus.

Still, the kitten is fun at times. He loves to run and he will come up to me and then take off running. I will give chase and he will go behind a couch or jump up on a chair and stop, daring me to go any further. Then he will take off again. I tried giving it some of my toys but it is too dumb to grab them and have a tug of war. I caught the kitten laying on my dog bed this morning, he didn’t even move when I climbed on the bed beside him He came over and took a bite out of my breakfast bowl while I was eating. He is not respectful of dogs. He has no intention of leaving, I can tell. There must be a place that a self respecting dog can file a complaint about having too many cats in a house?

Tonight I will dream of kittens running away from home.

Beautiful Balloons!

5:00 in the morning the alarm clock went off. Usually the alarm is set for 6:00, but I wake everyone up at 5:30, this morning they beat me! They hurry Bella and I downstairs and feed us, then send us out for a few minutes. When we come back we all load up in the SUV and we head for Chatfield for something called a Balloon Festival. Chatfield is where we had the great Golden Retriever Rescue Picnic, so it must be a fine place.

When we arrive we go walking in a big field, it is still dark, the sun is just coming up. Suddenly there is a loud “whoosh” and flames come out of a basket sitting on the ground. Scary! A little further on there are more of them. Bella and I are trying to hide when several people come up to us and start petting us. More scary noises, but the people are sure friendly. Soon big colored things are floating in the sky all around us. We meet more dogs along the path, they are friendly too. We find a place to watch on a lttle hill, we sit beside a nice couple that want to talk about us and pet us while we sit. You remember the "Golden Retriever Rule" don't you? A Golden Retriever can not get enough attention!

More of the things they call Balloons are floating up in the air. The air is still and when the balloons go up, they just hang above us. We walk around and watch the balloons being prepared, then the noisy things fill them up with air, but once they float away they do it in silence. People are relaxed, they watch the Balloons and they pet Golden Retrievers. There is a giant pink bunny, it takes a long time to fill up with air and start to rise off the ground. They even had a big pink balloon with a nose and snout that was titled “When Pigs Fly”. This is an OK place.

It is not a Golden Retriever Rescue Picnic, but it is all right. We get to go by the water but they won’t let us get wet. Darn! We are home by 10:00, but after walking all around we are beat so it’s nap time. The rest of the day is quiet. Too Quiet. The foster parents went out shopping and brought us back a whole bunch of new toys.

I can de-stuff that toy in three minutes! I challenge Bella to a race to see who can tear the new toys apart in the least time. I win. They brought us some new squeaky toys, I test them out to see what sounds they make, I want just the right combination of sounds for our squeaky toy band. I am still testing when they take the noisy toys away and hide them, its bed time already.

Happy balloon dreams to you.

A band of Golden Retrievers

It takes a lot of practice and rehearsal to turn a few good dogs into a polished band. We are getting so good on our squeaky balls that we need to form a band and go professional. In the picture I am showing my ugly foster step-sister how to properly hold a squeaky ball in order to get the maximum tone from it. She is usually laying down on the job, she does not practice as much as I do. She is not musical as I am; she has to work hard to carry a tune, she hardly ever barks, even when she has a squirrel up a tree. She needs voice lessons if she is ever going to perform in public.

I am working on what to name our band. We need a name that conveys our excitement and our dedication to music. We will test market a couple of names. How about “The Golden Band?” Or maybe “The Retriever Chorus?” How do I form a “focus group?”

In this picture I am helping Bella to get a correct grip on a squeaky toy in order to make the harmony work in with the rest of the band.

Tonight I will dream of the wonderful music we will make as a band.

Found a Kitten

Cats! Why me? Sunday night my Foster dad heard a noise out front in a big bush. He came back in the house with a tiny black kitten that had been hiding in the bushes. Only 4 months old, it looked harmless enough. “Found Kitten” signs were posted on sign posts and animal shelters called to find the owner. It has been four days now and no sign of it leaving. It gets along with us but that is not the point. Having two cats in a dog’s home is bad enough, but three is stretching my limits. It gets to sleep on the bed, jump on furniture, and climb onto window sills. When I try to follow it I get yelled at. There must be a way we can file a complaint with the Golden Retriever Rescue to let them know of this miss-treatment. Can we call Orkin and tell them we need them to remove an infestation of cats? One bright spot came out of this; my Foster dad says I am certified as “Kitten Proof” now, any family that wants to have a dog and a cat living together can adopt me.

I helped feed the fish again today. The fish food smells a lot better than my food. I think I am being cheated. I leaned in and tried to grab some of the food but I could not reach it. I have fallen in twice already, and it is scary to suddenly be in the water.

I went back in the house and found a squeaky toy. I remember an old story about a Golden Retriever that asked a Poodle “How can I get to Carnegie Hall?” The Poodle told him “Practice, practice!” That is what I am going to do. I will practice until I am a squeaky ball virtuoso.

Tonight I will dream of a nice black kitten finding a new home, someplace else.

How many squeaky toys make a band?

I have not written since my picnic blog. I have been busy though as you will soon see. On Monday, Pepsi, Emma and Molly came by for a play date. Five Golden’s romping in the back yard made a fun afternoon. Pepsi is still a little shy, she will need some time to get used to her new sisters, aunts and uncles. She is good at “dog door” and came and went often enough that the Fosters soon closed it, they were tired of hearing it go “flap, flap”.

The last two concerts in the park we attended were fine, but from a dog’s perspective they lacked squeaky toys. Guitars and drums are fine for humans, but they lack the depth and feeling that a squeaky toy can convey. We spent part of the day practicing on the squeaky toys. I plan on having a squeaky toy concert soon and I wanted everyone to become skilled in harmony. The squeaky toys in the balls sound much better, they responded faster and were much more intense. The squeaky things in the stuffed toys were rather muted and only good for background accompaniment. The practice session did not go as well as I had hoped, there were several tugging matches as various musicians attempted to take away the best squeaky toys from the other participants. The growling and barking accompaniment may lend another dimension to the concert. A few more practice sessions and we will be ready to headline our own concert on the green. Everyone promised to practice often when they went home. I need to do some research, there are some unanswered questions. Do five Golden Retrievers playing squeaky toys constitute a band or an orchestra? I will need to do some market research as well, some friends have recording equipment and we may want to release a CD. I remember hearing a terrible recording of dogs barking “Jingle Bells”; they were off key and not in harmony. We can beat that with our rendition of “Silent Night.” I worked into the evening on my solo part, that is until 10:30 when my foster dad took the squeaky toys away and hid them. He has no appreciation for fine music. He will be sorry when I am a big recording star, people everywhere will be listening to my recording of “Night Music”. My paw print will be on the sidewalk in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood, they will be sorry they scrubbed my paw print off of the couch; it would be worth money some day. I think I look good with a squeaky ball in my mouth, don’t you? That is my large sized “bass” squeaky ball that I use for my solos.

Tonight I will dream of a squeaky toy concert.

The Golden Retriever Rescue Reunion Picnic

I did not get my blog written Saturday night, I was cold, wet, dirty and tired when I got back from the day at the Golden Retriever Rescue Reunion Picnic at Chatfield and my Foster dad won’t let me have the computer if I am wet and dirty.

Buckley spent Friday night with us so he could come along with Bella and I to the picnic, the more Golden’s, the merrier! We arrived early to help set up, that gave us even more time to play in the water before very many dogs and people arrived. My foster parents set up their chairs, then gave each of us a snack so we would remember where they were before they turned us loose. Then we were off and running.

We began splashing, chasing balls and meeting new friends while my foster’s helped set up the picnic. More dogs were arriving, more friends to meet. Molly and Emma arrived; Brian and Jenny came down to the shore and began throwing balls in the water for us. Five dripping Golden’s ran back to check on our parents from time to time and see if it was “treat time” yet. Soon the ground was wet and slippery where they had set their chairs. People were soon slipping on the mud. When we spotted a hot human, we would run out of the water, greet them, then shake hard and cool them down. Several Greyhounds came by, they would not run into the water with us, but we had fun running up and down the beach with them, they sure can run and turn fast.

At 12 Noon all of the Golden’s were lined up on the shore, the great ball toss was about to begin. It took a long time; several of the dogs did not understand the rules and ran into the water early. The balls were thrown and the dogs were released. Everyone charged into the water, if we brought back one of the special balls with numbers on it we would get a prize. Buckley, Bella, Emma, Molly and I ran into the water until it was up to our shoulders. Then we waited while the energetic dogs swam way out and brought the balls closer to shore. Our plan was working; we ended up with lots of prizes, pretty green tennis balls.

After the ball toss I was tired, I went up to my foster’s camp spot but the ground was too wet and muddy to lie down. I took over one of the camp chairs, it gave me a clean, dry spot to rest while I watched the rest of the dogs run and splash My foster left a piece of watermelon unguarded, I found out that I like watermelon.

Several dogs moved in on my territory during the day, looking for attention and treats. One young girl, Pepsi, was the same age I am, very sweet and quite shy. She began leaning on Jenny, resting her head on Jenny’s lap and making herself totally adorable. Pepsi was a rescue dog that was looking for a new home; she has something called special needs. I guess that means she gets pills coated in peanut butter like I do. After several hours of getting acquainted, Brian and Jenny decided to take Pepsi home and foster her. She played well with Emma and Molly, and I think she is cute. We will make a play date as soon as she gets settled in her new foster home.

Two more hours of running, swimming, getting muddy, meeting new friends and playing with balls and sticks in the lake wore us completely out. I returned to my chair and rested for a while. When they called for volunteers to help load up and clean up, my fosters went to help while the three of us took a nap in the back of the SUV. We slept all the way home. At home, the three of us got baths before we were allowed in the house. Clean and tired, we did not even play once we got in the house. Mike took Buckley home, then we had dinner and slept through the night.

I hope we can do that again soon. My tail was sore from wagging so hard, I did not know I could get tired from having too much fun. I met many new friends and I learned to swim much better. I ran and played without a leash for five hours. Somebody said we had 300 people and 200 dogs at the picnic. With all those people and dogs I did not hear a single disagreement or an angry Growl.

Golden Retriever Rescue of the Rockies (GRRR) has been busy, it has placed 187 dogs in the first six months of the year, but there are still 31 dogs looking for homes and a way out of the kennel. If you would take a Golden home, you could be a part of all the fun and you too could share in our wonderful times. The price of admission to all this fun is only a Golden Retriever away. Don’t miss our next picnic!

On the way home my foster dad looked back at the three of us wet, muddy, tired dogs, curled up, laying with our heads on each other and asked us, “Since all dogs go to heaven, would you three mind putting in a good word for us when you get there?”

That night I had dreams of running in and out of the water with all of my new doggie friends, playing with balls and sticks.