Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Caution, today's post involves mathematics!

It is time some dog spoke up!  Too long have we allowed unspeakable acts to be committed upon us, with impunity!   It came to my attention today when I read the post by my friends at The Thundering Herd.  The Thundering Herd is six Siberians that live a with a very inconsiderate human.  Today's post was titled Turbo, Cheese and Bacon.   They pointed out that they frequently have to wait while their human finishes his breakfast before they can have theirs.   On the day in question, they had to wait an hour before they could have their meal.

There is a total lack of understanding by humans as to the difference in time between "dog time" and "human time".   Since one year of a dogs life is approximately seven years of a humans life, there is some math involved.   By making these six abused Siberians wait for a whole hour, it was the same as making a human wait seven hours.   By the time these poor dears received their breakfast, it was lunch time already.   But they did not get two meals to make up for it, they had to wait till evening.    

We get snacks once in the morning, peanut butter on a finger with our pills in it.   Then again another round of peanut butter and pills in the evening.  Most days we also get a real treat sometime in mid day.   But mid day to the hu'ms can be anywhere between 8:00 in the morning and 6:00 in the evening.    How would they like it if their noon meal was served some time between yesterday and tomorrow?  That is the same thing, using the 7 to 1 multiplier to convert from dog time to human time.

Bella, Stella, Nala and I have decided that we need to make hu'ms more aware of the great injustice that is done each time they delay our meals, walkies or treat time.   It may be only one hour to you, but it is seven hours to us.   While we are talking about treats, one treat a day in dog time means we are really only getting one treat a week in human time.   That is not very many treats.  No wonder we get so excited and sometimes we forget to sit, it has been a long time in dog time since our last treat.    We think that an hourly treat time would be about right.  So tell your humans to look at their clocks once in a while.   A treat delayed is a treat denied!

Before we leave this topic, that seven to one ratio has a wide impact.   When we are fed only two meals a day, that is the same as a human getting only two meals a week.    Few humans would like to live on that schedule.    We also note that only getting one head pat or tummy scratch a day is really only one tummy scratch a week in human terms.   So lets shape up and get a few more meals, treats, head pats,  ear scratches, butt rubs, car rides and tummy rubs on the schedule.  

We are lucky, we can treat ourselves.   The apples are raining down from the three big delicious apple trees in the back yard.   We can run outside and grab an apple any time we want, the ground is covered with them.   I have been eating six or eight a day.   Stella has a larger appetite, she eats a dozen a day.  Bella has several, and she usually brings one inside when she goes to bed, then wakes us up crunching it late at night.  Nala has not developed a taste for apples yet, but she will sooner or later.

Mogley G. Retriever


  1. The Herd shared your theory with me!

    Woo Goldens are sooooo furry khlever!

    Happy Harvesting!

    Maybe Nala needs a PB akhcent on her apples!


  2. This is quite possibly my favorite post in the world history of blogging. Mogley, you are BRILLIANT and I thank you for taking the time to educate our humans :)

  3. We could not have said it better if we tried, way to go Mogley !!!!!!

    Hamish & Rescue Sophie

  4. Wow, I never considered that! My dogs are fed on time every day, but dang, I'll sure remember now!

  5. Hmmm, As a biped, I have wrestled with this "dog time" quandary for many years. It's good to hear another version. However, I think your math is slightly fuzzy because of a belly full of apples. Newton wrestled with the same thing....apples....trees etc. So you are in good company.

  6. Unfortunately, Jack would eat 24 hours a day if he was allowed to. And although it would please me to no end to allow him to do it, I don't think I need a 450 puppy laying on my head in the bed!

  7. Mogley, you are the best!

    Earnhardt, Lady(senior), Sandy Paws and Oliver.

  8. I'll have to be more appreciative of my human Mom for getting up and walkin' and feedin' me, even in the dark and even if she has something she calls her migrain.
    Hawk aka Browndog

  9. EXACTLY! Well put.

    I am glad I am not the only one enjoying apples. Mom seems annoyed by the number of apples in the house. Hopefully after she reads this post she will understand why we have to supplement our diet with apples.

    Wags N Kisses,

  10. Since the hu-dad is behind and we are reading this 3 days late, that translates to almost a dog-month has gone by, so we apologize for that. But we appreciate your solidarity in protesting the horrific conditions we live in.

    We have now petitioned to be walked 14 times a human day, because we like 2 walks a dog day - not a human day.