Monday, February 18, 2008

If I ran the Dog Show!

A beagle won the 132nd Westminster championship, beating out 2,500 other dogs to be declared best in show. I don’t want to minimize the achievement of someone that can look good under a bright spot light and perform under pressure, but did they forget that there were Golden Retrievers entered?

If I ran the dog show, points would be awarded differently. Dogs need to do something besides just look good, which we do of course, but we need to demonstrate our ability to do our jobs while looking good as well. Do they judge Miss America only on the swim suit contest? NO! They have talent contests, they have judges that observe them under pressure to see how they respond, and they look for a well rounded individual.

Let’s add some talent and skills tests to the dog show judging. The first round of judging would have a tennis ball machine launching tennis balls across the auditorium and into the crowd, dogs will be judged on the number of balls they bring back in the ten minute judging window. This is where we will separate the beagles from the terriers. Goldens' would be at a disadvantage, we would stop to get head pats or lick all the hands along the way, we need points for "congeniality". Another round of judging could be squirrel chasing. Release squirrels in the hall, release 2,500 dogs and let the games begin. This would provide active competition among the dogs; it would provide entertainment for the spectators and would increase television ratings by 20 points. The televised dog show would out draw the Super Bowl for viewers. For the final round of judging we would uncover a large swimming pool and release three live ducks in the exhibit hall. The first dog that brings a duck to the judge would be the winner of that round. Let’s see how many points the poodle in the bushy hairdo could win now.

Now that is how I would run a dog show!

Mogley G. Retriever

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