Rules

I waited a full two minutes. That is what the rule is; the human has two minutes to retrieve his lost food, then it is finders-keepers! I have seen the rule repeated on TV time after time. He says the rule does not count when the food is left on the counter. I think he should have established the rules more clearly to begin with, and then I would not have gotten in trouble. I hate it when he does that whole “bad dog” routine. This time he did it loudly, shaking his finger and he carried on and on. Boring! It was just a hamburger bun, no hamburger, no mustard, no catsup, just a plain bun. He left it on the edge of the counter and then wandered out to do something to the backyard barbeque. He banished me to the backyard until lunch time was over. He gets three meals a day, I only get two. A little snack in between would not have been too much to ask. Humans are so food aggressive. They always get mad when you threaten their food.

As a well trained, obedient house dog, I try and live by the rules. The rules don’t make any sense most of the time. Dogs are only allowed on the couch in the plant room where the sun is so nice and warm in the morning, all the rest of the furniture is off limits to dogs. The cats get on all of the furniture but when I chase them off, I get yelled at. Cat toys litter the floor but when I play with one it gets taken away. The cats play with my dog toys and the human thinks it is cute. I am not supposed to eat food in the garden in the summer, but they leave the tomato vines at dog nose height. I am not supposed to pull on the leash but squirrels dart across the path and threaten us when we walk. I am supposed to be a guard dog but I can’t chase a squirrel when I am on a leash? I am not supposed to run away when we are in the open fields. He takes us out there to get exercise and gets upset when we run too far. I am not supposed to sample treats on the low shelves at the dog food store, but he takes us there to pick out our toys, how can I tell what I want if I can’t sample? I am not supposed to jump up on visitors, but I am supposed to make them feel welcome, how do you do one without the other?

Humans are sure hard to understand.

Mogley G. Retriever